I’ve been letting this stuff pile up in my inbox for a week and now it’s time to unleash an extra-large heaping of horrifying horse ads upon Horse Nation. Here it comes… are you ready?

It’s OK to be scared. Here we go! First, this gem from Erin:

To the previous poster, good luck! Here’s another ISO ad from Tiffany: “These people really need a stall :)”

I am still seeking a stall to board a 10.2 hand 10 year old pony mare Haf/shetland cross. Easy in the stall. Not hard to take care of. I only need a place for max 2 months. I am waiting for a stall to open up at my facility where my other horses are kept. Because she is so small and needs little care, I am hoping to find her a place that charges less than they would charge for a full size horse. She is a rescue and literally we snapped her up before she went on the slaughter truck. Please..if you have a place in your barn for a little girl, even if you arent a boarding barn, would you please contact me? I live in Campbell Ohio and would like to stay in a 30 minute drive. (baby is not coming)

I need full care. I can clean the stall if necessary or even buy grain but I have no way of getting hay to the place, nor being able to come out twice a day to feed and water.

This one, from Tasha, is scary on a whole different level:

Sea Biscuit is my pride and joy. I love him with all my heart, and you will too. he is just a bundle of joy. He is kind of retarded though. Ol’ biscuit is always running into fences and other horses butts. I sometimes question his sexuality, but he is really kind and loving at heart.

Joke? Serious? Hard to tell. Another bad pony ad from Izabella:

6 year old mini mare in foal. Due around Christmas. Very well mannered, loves children, rides, washes, and stands to have her feet done. She is a great little mare. She would make a wonderful Christmas present. Will hold till Christmas. $600.00.

Saddling — you’re doing it wrong, from Cory:

Let’s move on to some horses, shall we?  Here’s a nice “genital” horse from Priscilla:

I have a nice 5 yea1r horse for sale he is broke and genital as they come he has never offer to hump or buck he will make a nice family horse call for more information

And this thoroughbred quarter horse who-knows-what-breed racehorse:

This tack fail showed up in our inbox with the note: “I really can’t figure out what that have on the palomino… is that a sideways halter? At least she’s good on a ‘leash.'”

good horses but must go

— Palomino filly 3 years, beautiful and gentle, loves to brushed and touch everywhere, follows very well on a leash. $ 500
— Poulin paint 3 colors, 2½ years, very quiet and nice, not dominant, follows very well on a leash. $ 500
— Canadian gelding, 8 years old, rider 4+, good both for beginners and for experienced rider, very soft and very patient but energetic if asked. $ 1,000

From Emily: “Here’s a nice Belgium horse for sale.”

From Erin: just a “slight hoof problem.”

And a couple interesting headlines from Joye. Seriously, what is going on in the first ad? Are they taking a nap together?

From Leah… not a Craigslist ad, but we weren’t sure where else to put it! Leah writes, “Right now on Zulily! How cute! I kinda want a pair!!!!”

And one more not-Craigslist-but-we-couldn’t-resist ad from Megan: “This HAS to be the most ridiculous ad I’ve ever seen… They still have poop on them!”

As seen on Etsy:

Readers, if you run across an “interesting” ad in your Internet wanderings, send it our way! Email the link to [email protected]. Who knows – maybe you’ll help connect a horse with a safe, loving home. Go Riding.