Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. If you’re one of the lucky few to be the significant other of an equestrian, you know that shopping can be a bit… daunting. So here are 12 things your equestrian really wants.
Whether you think it’s merely a Hallmark holiday or one legitimately worth celebrating, you can’t deny it and you can’t hide — Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Walmart, Target, and local drug stores have been decked out in pink and red hearts since before Christmas. On February 14th, sweethearts everywhere will be going out to dinner, buying lingerie, exchanging chocolate and flowers, and kiddos will be decorating cardboard boxes with hearts and giving out candy hearts and index card-sized cards that say “U R Neat” with various cartoon characters on them.
But for those of you whose significant other or very, very good friend is an equestrian, the traditional (dare we say mundane?) gifts just won’t cut it. To be sure, equestrians don’t want your candy hearts, red roses, or chocolate. In fact, we probably wouldn’t really know what to do with any of that if we did receive it (although we likely won’t turn down a good bottle of wine or a massage).
So rather than having you waste your hard-earned cash and finding your affections left unanswered, we’ve come up with a list of things equestrians really want for Valentines Day. If the list seems a bit extravagant at times, remember. This is all in the name of love.
1. Good Quality, Three-String Bales of Alfalfa
This is no joke. In fact, most of us have, at one point or another, formulated detailed plans in our minds of how we would hijack big rigs loaded down with this stuff as they make their way across the country. Heck, there are memes about this.
We will not turn down this gift.
2. Pay Our Entry Fees
I can’t stress this enough. Shows are expensive. And we get kind of twitchy when we aren’t competing. So, for real… pay our entry fees. Don’t like that idea? Stall fees aren’t a bad idea either.
3. Pay Our Farrier Bills
No. Really. This sh*t is expensive. The package I have on my mare alone is enough to rival Carrie Bradshaw’s shoe shopping habit (yes, yes — I’m old).
4. Pay Our Vet Bills
This can get even more expensive. Between radiographs, ultrasounds, flexion tests, NSAIDs, and then just your routine care, our horses get much better medical care than we do.
5. New Truck
In speaking to a fellow equestrian recently, I realized we both have remarkably similar tricks to keep our trucks running while we’re hauling our horses. Drop that puppy into neutral to get the RPMs up while hauling up a hill? Yup. In my case I force the truck into a lower gear to achieve the same results. But what it boils down to is we all need new trucks. Big ones. Keep your 1/2 tons. One-ton diesel has what we need.
6. New Trailer
I mean, how can we possibly haul our horses, our gear, AND our hay without an extra stall or two? And what if our friend needs to catch a ride? A trailer with just a bit more space is necessary. But we’ll need to hang on to that run-around as well, because day shows and the big rig don’t make a ton of sense…
7. Arena (with good footing)
As equestrians, we don’t want rings on our fingers, we want rings to ride in (shout out to our friends at The Western Thoroughbred for that line!). And let’s get real, most of us can find a flat patch of ground just about anywhere. But a nice 180 x 200 ft arena with quality footing? Now THAT’S special.
8. Precious Metals
No, no. Not the type you’re thinking. THESE are our precious metals:
More accurately, repair our fencing. Check our fencing… actually, on second thought, don’t touch it. We’ll do it ourselves. But some fencing supplies would be great.
10. Mud Control
Mud season is in full swing in a number of parts of the country. And if it isn’t yet, it will be. Not only were most of us horribly traumatized by Artax’s death in The Neverending Story, but also we’re actually dealing with a lot of mud on a daily basis. We hear those mud mats are helpful. And we’ll never turndown some good 2B limestone and limestone dust. Just sayin’.
11. Horse Semen
I mean… this is Valentine’s Day adjacent… right? 😬🤣 And, as a mare person, I am always eying up solid matches for my good mares. After all, you can get a lot with good breeding.
So, I know we all like to say that we need another horse like we need another hole in our heads, but we’ll actually take more horses… pretty much anytime. Only if it’s the right horse, of course. Don’t throw your backyard nag at us and expect us to jump up and down. But a well bred, upper level prospect? We’re in. Every single time. Especially if you help out with some hay and feed. We don’t complain about that.
If, after reading this list, you’re still feeling a bit daunted about shopping for your equestrian of choice, you can always fall back on the old stand-bys: a stiff drink and deep tissue massage.
Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day, Horse Nation!