A Letter to the Non-Horse Guy Trying to Date a Horse Girl

Non-horse gentlemen, the following information may come as a shock to you, but here’s what you really need to know about dating a horse girl.

Being a horse-crazed female is not a hobby and riding is not just some activity we participate in on the weekends. Riding horses is a lifestyle and consumes every second of our already busy lives. We spend each day doing barn chores such as feeding, watering and throwing hay. Our horses are usually the first thing we think about when we wake up and the last thing we think about before we go to bed.

What this boils down to is that we have minimal time for anything or anyone else. As cowgirls, we’re content with spending our Friday nights at the barn and our weekends away at horse shows. We try our hardest to find a mate that also has interest in horses, but let’s be real — most cowboys aren’t the type we want to wrangle in and take home to mama. And if a cowboy is the type you take home to mama, chances are he’s already married. This leaves us cowgirls in the predicament of remaining single or dating a non-horse fella.

Non-horse gentlemen, the struggle is real. It’s easier for us to remain single, so if you are sought out by a cowgirl, consider yourself something special. Our lifestyle is an incredibly difficult one to get accustomed to and we know how much y’all like to resist the change. It’s amazing how reluctant some men are to jump boots deep into our way of life. Fellas, I’m going to be frank, if you’re pursued by a cowgirl, you’re going to get roped into the lifestyle in one aspect — or all of it.

You may think you have a choice, but I am here to tell you, you do not.

You can tell us a million and one times, “I’m not doing anything horse related,” but we know that you’re lying. The moment that phrase, or one like it, comes out of your mouth, we’re laughing at you on the inside. You may not know you’re lying, but inside our pretty little heads, our wheels are turning on how we can change your mind.

Go ahead and tell us that you’re not cleaning stalls, throwing hay, feeding, riding horses or anything in between, but know that you can’t hold out on us forever. As cowgirls, we’re tough, determined and maybe a hair crazy, so we may let you win at first, but ultimately we’ll get exactly what we want.

We’ll start you gentlemen off with REALLY easy tasks such as just coming to the barn for an evening. We don’t want to scare you away and we’ll have you thinking there’s no harm in the task. You don’t have to do anything horse related, you just have to show up. Sounds fair. The truth is, we’re easing you into your new lifestyle and this is an easy way to get you hooked.

Just show up to the barn and talk to us while we’re doing all the work. We want to hang out with you, but to be honest, date night for the first few dates is about to be hanging out in the barn while you watch us clean stalls and ride our horses. Trust me when I say you’ll earn bonus points if you bring us food from the closest fast food restaurant.

Then, on a random Wednesday evening, just when you think you have us convinced that your mind can not be changed and you think you’re in the clear not to partake in any horse-related activity, you’re crouched down by the horse’s hind legs helping to wrap an injury because we can’t get the quilted wraps to smoothly wrap around the leg. It’s in these moments, which showcase your caring nature, that we realize you’re worth the lifestyle differences.

Don’t get it twisted, though. We’re still going to try like heck to make you into one mean farm hand. You may not do the feeding and stalls right away, but we’ll find other ways to include you in our horse madness. Dates will evolve and start to consist of driving to the local Tractor Supply for different supplies that are needed on the farm. Within a few weeks time, you’ll be fixing manure spreaders, putting up round pen and fetching ropes so we don’t have to dismount every time we successfully rope our target.

As we continuously try to make you our cowboy counterpart, we hate to admit that we have found some qualities in a non-horse mate that draw us in. There are some subjects that we decide no to teach you for the mere fact that what you don’t know, won’t hurt you.

One quality we absolutely adore is that you fine gentlemen have NO IDEA what horses or anything related to them costs. It is not an uncommon practice for a cowgirl to spend her entire paycheck (and maybe max out her credit cards) on her horse. When we tell you we bought a new tack set cheap, or that we got it for a good deal, we may just be telling you a little white lie. We will take the amount we have spent on horse related items to our graves, so it’s just better if you don’t even ask.

We are also very keen on the realization that you fellas can not tell our horses apart. A brown horse is a brown horse, and if we swap one out or add another, you’ll never know the difference. This is dangerous for a non-horse gentleman and we’re not going to teach you any different. If you read this and you think you’re going to brush up on your skills and really learn which horse is which, just know we are cowgirls and even if you educate yourself, we’re still going to come home with another horse if we want to.

Aside from the two subjects above on which we will allow you to remain uneducated, you will eventually become a cowboy. We are stubborn cowgirls and we love our horses more than we love anything else, so it is not an option for us to adapt to another lifestyle. Please know that you can not beat us in this issue, so you’re just going to have to join us — this is not negotiable.