Because no one is allowed to make fun of our horses except ourselves, we gathered your submissions prompted by last week’s ‘Tongue-in-Cheek Pros and Cons Guide to Breeds.’
If you missed our all-in-good-fun Tongue-in-Cheek Pros and Cons Guide to Breeds from last week, you can catch up here. The reader responses were so hilarious that we decided to round up our favorites and share them for everyone to enjoy. Because this is all in good fun, just remember that there are exceptions to every rule as you read through this guide!
Pros: Smart, sure-footed, hearty and very loyal to one person. It’s like owning a piece of American history.
Cons: That one person they’re very loyal to? It’s not you.
Pros: Smart, versatile, and FLASHY (color galore).
Cons: Surprise! You really own a gray horse. Those markings are actually pee and poo stains.
3. Tennessee Walkers
Pros: Smooth, willing, will go all day. Gaited.
Cons: “Bipolar drama queens.” The light’s on but nobody is home.
Pros: Can be retrained at a variety of different disciplines. Makes great hunters and jumpers.
Cons: Well, they’re off the track for a reason.
Pros: Spots, spots, spots! Super flashy.
Cons: They excel only at spooking. (It’s those weird eyes.)
Pros: Athletic, handsome, highly-sought-after as superb competition horses.
Cons: More reactive than a menopausal woman.
Pros: Sturdy with lots of stamina. Versatile: they can do anything!
Cons: Versatile: they can do anything … like grazing while riding.
Pros: Cutie-patooties. Easy keepers.
Cons: Even though they can stay fat on air, they prefer to eat you out of house and home.
9. Paso Finos
Pros: Very forward and very smooth.
Cons: Their gait resembles a wind-up toy.
10. Gypsy Vanners
Pros: Sturdy, stocky and strong. Plus, all of that glorious hair!
Cons: You won’t have time to ever ride them since all your time will be devoted to maintaining all of that glorious hair.
11. Red-Colored Quarter Horse Mares
Cons: They will eat you alive and spit you out.