More Breed Pros & Cons: Reader-Submitted Edition

Because no one is allowed to make fun of our horses except ourselves, we gathered your submissions prompted by last week’s ‘Tongue-in-Cheek Pros and Cons Guide to Breeds.’

If you missed our all-in-good-fun Tongue-in-Cheek Pros and Cons Guide to Breeds from last week, you can catch up here. The reader responses were so hilarious that we decided to round up our favorites and share them for everyone to enjoy. Because this is all in good fun, just remember that there are exceptions to every rule as you read through this guide!

1. Mustangs

Wikipedia

Pros: Smart, sure-footed, hearty and very loyal to one person. It’s like owning a piece of American history.

Cons: That one person they’re very loyal to? It’s not you.

2. Paints

Samantha/Flickr/CC

Pros: Smart, versatile, and FLASHY (color galore).

Cons: Surprise! You really own a gray horse. Those markings are actually pee and poo stains.

3. Tennessee Walkers

Mary B/Flickr/CC

Pros: Smooth, willing, will go all day. Gaited.

Cons: “Bipolar drama queens.” The light’s on but nobody is home.

4. OTTBs

Five Furlongs/Flickr/CC

Pros: Can be retrained at a variety of different disciplines. Makes great hunters and jumpers.

Cons: Well, they’re off the track for a reason.

5. Appaloosas

Wikipedia

Pros: Spots, spots, spots! Super flashy.

Cons: They excel only at spooking. (It’s those weird eyes.)

6. Warmbloods

Jean/Flickr/CC

Pros: Athletic, handsome, highly-sought-after as superb competition horses.

Cons: More reactive than a menopausal woman.

7. Morgans

Wikimedia Commons

Pros: Sturdy with lots of stamina. Versatile: they can do anything!

Cons: Versatile: they can do anything … like grazing while riding.

8. Haflingers

Wikimedia Commons

Pros: Cutie-patooties. Easy keepers.

Cons: Even though they can stay fat on air, they prefer to eat you out of house and home.

9. Paso Finos

Wikimedia Commons

Pros: Very forward and very smooth.

Cons: Their gait resembles a wind-up toy.

10. Gypsy Vanners

Wikpedia

Pros: Sturdy, stocky and strong. Plus, all of that glorious hair!

Cons: You won’t have time to ever ride them since all your time will be devoted to maintaining all of that glorious hair.

11. Red-Colored Quarter Horse Mares

Clay Junell/Flickr/CC

Pros: N/A

Cons: They will eat you alive and spit you out.