Does the sight of a poseur prancing around in fake riding gear drive you mad? Katherine Upton outlines the elements of an authentic equestrian fashion experience.
Haven't been riding? Know someone who doesn't ride but likes to dress like they do? Tired of all those fake paddock boots everywhere? (The ones with the spikes on them are extra annoying.)
Find a pair of breeches that are clean or still don't smell too much like barn, struggle to pull them on, then proceed to wonder if that pantyline is really that visible, or if anyone will actually notice that grass-slobber stain.
Get out one of your t-shirts, one of the ones you said “I'm not wearing this one to the barn,” or if you're feeling extra dressy, wear a polo shirt. Don't forget to tuck it in, or George Morris will somehow find out.
Struggle to put on your boots. Yes, the muddy ones that you really need to clean but you just haven't. Bonus points for true-equestrian-fashion if you happen to curse while putting on tall boots.
Find some dirt. Now rub it on you in random places, such as your face or possibly in your armpit (how does it even get there?). Don't forget to add some green slobber all over you for full effect.
Go buy a bottle of fly spray. Spay it all over you. It's what all the equestrians are wearing today. I've heard it's more popular with teenage girls than the One Direction fragrance.
Put shavings/hay in your hair. Put it all over your clothes, too. You'll be picking it out of the dryer trap for weeks, just like real equestrians.
Ta-da! You look like you just stepped out of a barn. Don't forget the horsehair to top it all off. Add extra in the spring, and make sure it sticks to your clothes, otherwise you just look like a poseur.
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Katherine Upton is a teenage equestrian, one who'd much rather spend a day at the barn than anywhere else in the world. She was born and lives just outside of Louisville, Kentucky, and she's worked with all kinds of different horses, from para-dressage horses to trick horses, however she is an aspiring eventer who hopes to ride in Rolex someday.
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