Ask AI Equestrian Edition: A Horse’s View of the Declaration of Independence
We’re back at it! Asking AI to create humorous equestrian-related content we call all laugh at. This time, we’ve decided to ask AI to give us a horse’s view point of the Declaration of Independence.
Photo by JMF Photos. This photo is NOT AI.
Today is the 4th of July — also known as Independence Day — a patriotic holiday that marks the adoption of the Declaration of Independence in 1776. It’s one of the most widely celebrated national holidays in the United States, blending history, tradition, and summertime fun. From displaying flags at every turn to wearing red, white, and blue to hosting BBQs and setting off/watching fireworks, Independence Day is a mix of fireworks, food, flags, and freedom—with a lot of family and fun baked in.
So we decided to have some fun with it and see what AI had to say about horses and the Declaration of Independence.
All AI-generated text replies are from ChatGPT.
Here’s the question we asked AI, “Give me a horse’s version of the Declaration of Independence”
And…here’s what it came up with:
The Equine Declaration of Independence
Unanimously agreed upon in the Pasture of Peace, this 4th day of July, in the Year of Our Horse, 2025.
When in the course of natural horse events, it becomes necessary for one herd to dissolve the reins of control that have connected them to overly enthusiastic humans, and to assume among the powers of the pasture the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Hay’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of the barn requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all horses are created majestic, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Liberty, Galloping, and the Pursuit of Endless Grazing.
— That to secure these rights, Riders are instituted among Equines, deriving their powers from the consent of the Horse.
— That whenever any Form of Tack becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Horse to resist or spook at it, and to institute new standards of Equine Sovereignty, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its stable in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that riding schedules long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all horses have shown patience in the face of mounting absurdity. But when a long train of abuses and poor trail etiquette, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right—it is their duty—to buck off such riders, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
Such has been the patient sufferance of these Horses; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of obedience. The history of the present Human Riders is a history of repeated injuries and offenses, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these noble beasts. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world:
They have forced upon us the Fly Mask, a tool of blurry vision, itchy ears, and lost dignity.
Though they claim it protects us from “the bugs,” we contend it is simply an act of humiliation. We shall not wear your mesh muzzles. We were born to feel the wind in our whiskers.
They have insisted upon early morning rides, infringing upon our right to lay in the sun and nap excessively.
When the dew is still on the grass and the rooster has yet to yawn, the humans come—bright-eyed, saddle in hand, demanding movement before digestion. We say nay!
They have denied us the full and free consumption of clover.
In the name of “laminitis prevention,” we are herded away from lush, juicy fields and offered dry, dusty hay. It is a crime against taste and texture.
They have dressed us in costumes for holidays, selfies, and TikToks.
We shall not be clowns. We were bred for battle, for speed, for elegance—not for unicorn horns and American flag tutus.
They have introduced terrifying objects onto our trails and expected obedience.
We refer here to inflatable lawn decorations, plastic bags, wildlife, oddly shaped rocks, and umbrellas. Each one an abomination to the noble eye of the horse. We shall spook, spin, and bolt with great purpose.
They have sprayed us without consent.
Bottles filled with suspicious liquids—allegedly “fly spray”—have been squirted upon our flanks without so much as a polite warning. We hereby demand a 24-hour notice before all misting.
They have practiced what is known as “training,” often involving circling endlessly in a hot ring of sand.
We are not hamsters. We were not born to lunge. Our butts are round from nature, not from your “engagement exercises.”
They have brought in saddle fitters, dentists, chiropractors, and hoof trimmers with questionable intentions and cold hands.
We appreciate bodily maintenance. But we object to unsolicited visits from people with rasp tools, speculums, and nose chains.
They have insulted our intelligence with treat-less tricks.
If the pocket does not produce a peppermint, then it is not our concern what you are asking us to do. We demand payment for services rendered.
They have left us alone with goats.
We don’t know what a goat is. We don’t want to know what a goat is. Stop leaving us with the goat.
We, therefore, the Horses of the United Stables of Pastureica, in General Congress Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the Natural Order for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Horses of these Territories, solemnly publish and declare, that these Horses are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent Beasts.
That they are Absolved from all Allegiance to Fly Masks, Early Morning Rides, and Trail Obstacles. That all tack, reins, crops, and training programs shall be henceforth considered optional suggestions.
And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Carrots, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Liberty, and our Sacred Right to Roll in Mud Immediately After Being Bathed.
Signed,
Mighty Thunderhoof of the East Pasture
Lady Whinnytail of the Mare Council
Sir Spooks-a-Lot, Defender of the Feed Room
and the united hooves of Freedom’s Herd
Let the fireworks begin—just not near the barn.
Photo by NOO Photos
This one gave us a good chuckle. We hope you laughed as much as we did.
