There are so many weird things out there — especially when it comes to horses and people who… aren’t horse people. So we’ve compiled a list of a few of them. Check it out!
Maybe it’s age and general grumpiness, maybe it’s the growing amount of time I spend around horses and horse-related things (it is my job, after all), but over the past few years, I’ve noticed more and more weird-ass horse-related products. To be fair, the algorithms that control Facebook likely have targeted me as the prime audience for most of
this crap these items, so that’s likely why I’m seeing so much of it. No matter the reason for these items coming across my path, I’ve started mentally making note of all the freaking weird-ass horse-related products I see. I’m not necessarily talking about items for your horse, but instead items that are made to represent horses, the equestrian lifestyle, or those that are somehow horse-adjacent. Every time I see one, I think, “Man, that’s an entire article in and of itself.”
Well, rather than writing an article on each individual thing (because who has time for that?), I’ve instead compiled a list of what likely is part one of weird-ass horse-related items that leave me looking like this:
*Editor’s note: we in no way want to denigrate companies that are out there doing their thing and selling their wares. You do you, man. We just thought these were funny, so don’t @ us.
1. Equestrian Roll-On Aroma
Okay, so this is a product that one of my boarders/friends and I have discussed a few times. Don’t get me wrong. I love the smell of horses. The combination of leather, horse hair, hay, and — let’s get real — horse sweat mixed with a bit of horse poo will forever be one of my favorite smells. That said, it’s not for everyone. Especially to the extent that people would purchase it and choose to roll it on their bodies. Like… wut? If you want to smell like an equestrian, I have a whole pile of … stuff you can roll on your body. It might leave some marks, though.
To be fair, Carter+Jane’s description of their scent is slightly more appealing than mine: “Hay Absolute captures the smell of sweet hay warmed by sunlight on a crisp autumn day at the barn. Nagarmotha mixed with cedarwood creates the perfect leather accord reminiscent of freshly oiled saddles and bridles. Oakmoss, cassie and jasmine capture the green pastures, sprinkled with wildflowers. And ambrette, expertly woven with vanilla, captures the musky warmth every equestrian understands…”
Okay. Now I’m curious. Someone send me some of this stuff. I need to see what it actually smells like.
2. Cowboy Boot Crocs
Folks. I literally can’t even. The description of the roll on equestrian aroma got me vaguely curious, but with these… I’m just out. Like … why? Full disclosure: I never jumped on the Crocs bandwagon. They’re uncomfortable, I probably can’t run away from someone chasing me if I’m wearing them, and don’t your feet sweat? There are just a lot of reasons I don’t wear them. My kids love them and I think they’re great for the tiny humans who can’t be bothered to do more than slide their feet into shoes most of the time. Heck, I can even hose them out or throw them in the dishwasher if I really want (don’t judge me — I clean my horse brushes and bits in there, too). But I feel like this is a step too far. And the spurs… why the spurs?
What’s really crazy is that what seems like just a weird-ass horse-related product to me is SELLING OUT LIKE HOTCAKES elsewhere. The Crocs website is sold out and they’re going on Etsy for over $130 USD. I think I even saw them on Poshmark for nearly $200. What in the actual…?
I can’t actually confirm this, but there seems to possibly be more than one style of these, too. This was circulating on Facebook:
Is it true? Did Crocs make more than one cowboy boot style shoe? Or is this a knock off? And if it is a knock off, why are we knocking off this? Oh, right. They’re selling out…
3. Saddle Chair
So, I like leather chairs. I like the look. I like reading in them. I like working on my computer in them. Sure, they’re great. And I’ll fully admit that I think the general aesthetic of this one from Timothy Oulton is pretty rad. But… what are the stirrups for? They don’t look like they’ll hold a drink, remote, or book. Just a foot. Did I miss that day in health class? I’m not sure I get it. But that’s okay. Other people see “the heritage of equestrian pursuits” and “the spirit of freedom and the harnessing of power that a saddle represents” when they look at the chair… or at least that’s what the manufacturer says.
4. The Phantom Work of Art
Shout out to KB Sporthorses LLC for this find. It was on display as part of a temporary exhibit at MAC/CCB Museum in Portugal. I’m sure the exhibit was great, but all I can wonder is what inspired the artist to display this particular piece and… I hope they used gloves?
5. Cowboy Pickleball Paddle
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️ totally is how you dress to play pickleball, right? I don’t play, so I’m just wondering. (Actually, solid marketing, Recess. I appreciate that you don’t take yourself too seriously. I’m here for it.)
This product I think I can forgive a bit more than some of the other items on the list. After all, I’m all for combining your passions. Do you love pickleball? Do you love horses? Then absolutely get this paddle. Who am I to judge (I mean, it’s what I do, but whatever)? It seems to be available on Recess for $98, but not playing pickleball myself, I can’t confirm the validity of that site or link. But it looks legit?
5. Saddle Is as Saddle Does
Speaking of combining passions…
There’s more than one meaning to the word saddle, and I have to give this motorcycle owner credit for their play on the word saddle. I’m not totally sure how riding in this saddle would reinforce the muscle memory for good equitation, but it’s probably pretty darned comfortable. And fairly creative.
6. Hoof Boots (shoes sold separately)
So, I’m not totally sure what I would be less likely to wear — the cowboy boot Crocs or these cosplay hoof boots (okay, honestly, I’m less likely to wear the Crocs — these at least would be great for the entertainment value). Now, let me be clear: I understand that my confusion over this product has a lot to do with the fact that I’m not into cosplay. And I also understand that cosplay can be an awesome community for those who do enjoy it. So, more power to you. No judgement here… BUT I have so many questions about these boots (available on Etsy, by the way). First and foremost, HOW DO YOU EVEN WALK IN THEM??!! Like, I can’t work out the mechanics in my brain. I get that your foot looks like it does when wearing high heels, but there is no heel. So, where’s the caudal support (if we’re going to go equestrian, let’s go all the way)? This photo highlights my point. Look! There’s no heel support.
Are you just walking around on your tippy toes? And if you are, how do you do that? As someone who is engaged in a sport that is all about balance, I am effing impressed.
Also, these hoof boots don’t come with the shoes. So, the red and blue shoes shown in these photos are added on (check out the video on the listing — it’s actually kind of cool and innovative). Just like horse ownership, you have to buy them totally separately. But with these you get to choose cool colors.
If nothing else, we have to give all these products props for creativity. Keep it weird, Horse Nation. And go riding!
Shout out to friend and boarder Hailey who likes to send me screenshots of the weird-ass horse-related products she comes across in her internet travels.
What weird-ass horse-related products have you seen? If you have some we should share, send them our way with a photo and brief explanation of what/where you saw it. You can email them to [email protected]; put “weird horse products” in the subject line. We’d love to share them!