Horse Buyer Language, Translated

When you’re selling a horse and talking to potential buyers, you might need a translator to understand what they really want and, more importantly, what they really need. Fortunately, Horse Nation is here to help with this guide to understanding horse buyer language.

Original image from Pixabay/_Vane_ /CC

Last month, we published a tongue-in-cheek article poking fun at what sellers really mean with their sale ad language. So, it’s only fair that we point out some of the misleading language buyers use when they contact sellers or post their ISO (“in search of “) ads on social media. Enjoy this list and feel free to laugh along with us.

• ISO Unicorn — I’ve already looked at all the listings in my area and just don’t like them even though they would fit my criteria; or champagne taste on a beer budget
• Only looking to buy color — I am an insane person who is gonna get my butt handed to me when it dumps me in the dirt … but it’s so dang pretty
• Must be able to take a joke — I still can’t get my client to be able to see a distance so I need a horse that will cover my butt
• Looking to buy project now off videos — my husband doesn’t know I’m buying with the stimulus check and I’m bored in quarantine
• Client needs a kick ride — this person has an electric seat and can’t have anything hot
• Must pass a PPE — I never intend to get out of starter division but I’d like to know I COULD if I wanted to
• Must have 30 days — Want to train it myself but incapable to starting one or having to ride a rank one
• More whoa than go — I am a middle-aged ammy woman who is easily intimidated and really just wants a pet I can ride occasionally
• 2D with 1D potential — I need to win
• ISO — I’ve already seen your listing and I don’t like it, so please don’t share it again
• ISO something un-started — I really don’t want to have to fix someone else’s mistakes
• Looking for a step-up horse — my backyard pony keeps losing at the local schooling shows, so I want to buy something bigger/faster/prettier instead of taking lessons
• Looking for a horse I can grow with — My current horse is fine, I really just need more lessons
• Beginner rider — I had a pony ride once
• Intermediate rider — I went on a guided trail ride once
• Experienced rider — I went on a guided trail ride twice
• Advanced rider — I cantered in a lesson once; have “jumped” some cross rails
• Mares preferred — I am an alpha female looking for my alpha mare
• Gaited horses only — I will be trail riding for hours, and I want a horse that can’t out-think me
• ISO PIF to FF. Must be under $1000 — I am a delusional barrel racer
• First-time horse owner — I will be asking to look at your upper level horse, but really I need old Pokey who’s been there, done that
• NO HIJACKING — I want to be first to reject all these horses and I have no clue how the anonymity of social media affects people’s behavior; also, people will still hijack
• Looking for a seasoned barrel horse, can’t have the legs run off it — because I would like to run the legs off of it
• Must stay sound barefoot — I probably can’t afford a horse
• Low budget — I definitely don’t know how much vet bills are; also, I probably can’t afford a horse
• Zero maintenance — I have no idea what it actually means to own a horse; also, I probably can’t afford a horse
• Bombproof — I spook at everything, so my horse can’t; if it trots, I will think it is running away with me
• Kid safe — I want something cute, small and fluffy to lead my kid around on; I am unaware that ponies are the devil
• Husband Horse — I need something dull, dull, dull… did I mention it needs to be dull?
• Something that doesn’t need to be in a program — I ride sporadically, but when I do, I go on a 6-8 hour trail ride with lots of galloping
• ISO project horse, budget $500 max — give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses