Tales From the Dude Ranch: As Heard From the General Public

Photo by Maria Wachter

I work as a wrangler at a trail riding ranch.  I love the job. One of the things I love most about the job is interacting with the general public, who have not been raised around horses — some of them have never even seen a horse. It’s so rewarding introducing them to riding… and it’s also hilariously entertaining because of some of the things that come out of their mouths.

Here are some funny things I’ve heard over the years:

One seventh grade girl to another: “Your horse farts just like your grandpa.”

Asked of a fellow wrangler: “So, how many pounds of meat does each horse eat a day?”

A kid asks: “Why can’t they walk and pee, but they can walk and poop?”
Okay, that’s actually a valid question there, kiddo.

Guest asks: “Oh, I got the pretty horse with the big brown eyes! But why does she have donkey ears?”
She’s actually a mule.

I help guest down from a two-hour ride. The guest proceeds to tell me: “You know, this is my first time riding a horse. I’ve ridden a mule before in the Grand Canyon, but it was stubborn and slow. I really enjoy riding horses more than mules I think.”
Well, that’s great to hear. I’m glad you enjoyed riding Gus… he’s one of the best mules we have at the ranch.

This interesting question: “Why are some of the horses wearing g-strings?”
Well, they’re actually called a crupper, and it’s to keep the saddle from sliding forward while going down hills.

A guest points to Rose, our doublewide Halflinger. “Can I ride that one? She’s just like me, fat and cute. I think we’ll get along very well.”
Sure you can.
After the ride, the lady said, “She is just like me! She couldn’t help herself from trying to eat everything on the trail, and I could totally relate to that.”

Go riding.