An expertly-selected list based on plenty of hands-on testing. It’s a tough job, but we’re happy to do it for you.
The dog days of summer are upon us. If you couldn’t tell by the bloodsucking, flying insects that have emerged from the pits of hell or the bucket of sweat absorbed into your underwear, you definitely know there’s only two things that make this miserable time better: evening rides when the temps cool off and ICE CREAM.
Now, don’t think you can’t eat ice cream all year long (because you can); it’s just that ice cream in the summer is so much better (than it already is). It cools off the body and at the same time makes your miserable, sweaty soul a lot happier.
Now that we’ve scientifically established that ice cream is good for you, here are the best brands and flavors to compliment your equestrian lifestyle.
1. Häagen-Daz Pineapple Coconut
Like a piña colada in a pint container: the perfect combination of pineapple and coconut with a hint of rum (sorry, there’s no alcohol in it, but we bet it would taste great with rum poured over top of it).
Your taste buds will think they’re on a beach in Cancun and let’s be honest, this ice cream will be the closest thing you’ll have to a vacation in Mexico because you have horses and you are poor. Remember the vacation money you saved last year that ended up going to your horse’s emergency vet bill? Oh, you forgot. I’m sorry. Go bury yourself in your ice cream, you’ll feel better.
This ice cream actually comes in a 14oz size instead of your typical 16oz pint. You might end up feeling a little gypped, just like you felt last year when that vacation that didn’t happen.
2. Breyers Pistachio Biscotti Gelato
This is hands-down the best tasting store-bought ice cream that you will find.
Creamy pistachio gelato with pistachio flavored swirls and topped with biscotti crumbles. This refreshing nutty flavor will compliment that nut-job gelding that you just picked up at the auction for $15. Surprisingly this ice cream will be cheaper than what you spent on your auction find and a LOT more cheaper than your future hospital bills from riding said horse.
By the way, you won’t be able to find this ice cream in the hospital, so you better indulge right now.
3. Blue Bunny Salted Caramel Craze
Sea salt caramel flavored ice cream with sea salt caramel swirls and chocolaty sea salt caramel bunnies.
This flavor goes best after your riding lesson in which you sucked. The salty flavor brings back recent memories of your instructor barking out for the whole barn to hear that you ride like a paralyzed sloth on a trampoline. While your posture might suck, this flavor sure doesn’t. The little chocolate bunnies are perfect for absorbing tear drops and crushed dreams that you’ll never be good enough to win Olympic gold.
The sea salt caramel swirls pack enough punch to satisfy your mental image of you punching your instructor right in her little perfect nose.
4. Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia
Cherry ice cream with cherries and fudge flakes.
This flavor perfectly pairs with a rainy summer day. After you spend the afternoon mucking through a foot of mud and water trying to put all the horses back in the barn, you can treat yourself to this indulgence. The bursting cherry flavor will bring sunshine to your horizon and the fudge flakes will make you question what you’re eating is truly fudge, or flakes of dried dirt and manure that fell off your face right into your ice cream.
Who knows, and who cares.
5. Edy’s Slow Churned Mint Chocolate Chip
A creamy cool mint light ice cream combined with rich chocolaty chips.
After the outside temps haven’t been below 100 ℉ in the past week, this ice cream will make you feel like you’re sitting on top of a glacier in Alaska. The minty flavor will be a big hit because it’s the only flavor that will mask the taste of accidental fly spray in the mouth. You’ll be so blown away by how refreshing and cooling this ice cream is you might actually think it’s winter outside and find yourself breaking out the the horses’ winter blankets. Don’t worry, you’ll be zapped back into reality once you set a foot outside.
6. Great Value flavored anything
This is Walmart’s line of generic ice cream, and while it’s nothing special, it does the trick and is surprisingly pretty affordable compared to other name brands. The money you save on your ice cream can go to more important things that help you with your equestrian lifestyle, like alcohol.
Stay cool, my friends! And go riding.