Having a Baby Versus Having a Horse

A tongue-in-cheek comparison.

Look, we don’t really know what’s going on in this image either, just that the internet is a strange and magical place when you search for creative commons images of horses and babies. Pixabay/anamaria_zz/CC

This is for all the horse people out there that made a choice not to have kids and are happy about it. Please don’t take offense if you have kids AND love them. After all, children are our future.

Having a baby… versus having a horse:

When babies are born, they just lay there and scream and poop for a year. By the time they’re three years old you probably haven’t had more than three hours of sleep since before you wanted a baby in the first place.
When a baby horse is born, he’s up and walking in a couple of hours and is able to be ridden in a few years. And he is born super cute, by the way.

Babies poop in diapers. Diapers cost money, baby poop is worthless and it smells hideous.
Horses poop outside. If you have enough land, you won’t even have to pick it all up. Horse poop can be used as fertilizer to grow crops, which can be sold for money

Babies grow up to be adults that drain your bank account, live in your basement and suck out your soul. “Mom, I need more pizza rolls.”
Horses grow up to be companions, competitors and athletes. Some horses even grew up be warriors. FYI, no battles have been won with the help of babies.

If your baby grows up to be a monster, all you can do is go into hiding and drink yourself to sleep at night.
If your horse grows up to be a monster, you can list him on Craigslist. Lots of people out there love to buy monster horses. They call it “rescuing”.

Babies carry diseases that are easily transmittable to other humans.
Most diseases horses carry will not affect us at all.

When you get old, your kid will cart you away to the nearest nursing home, wishing a speedy death upon you so it can cash in your will.
When you grow old, your horse will probably have already passed on, and you will sit on your death bed recollecting all your wonderful riding memories over the years.

Go riding.