You’ve probably seen a few of these interpretative guides floating around the Internet. But this one, by world-renowned connoisseur of equine baddies Maria Wachter, just might take the cake.
And off we go!
Athletic: Horse can buck, bolt, bite, rear and kick — all at the same time.
Buddy Sour: Prefers the company of anyone else besides you.
Barn Sour: Lazy, has a bad work ethic and probably hates you.
Green: Horse has had a saddle on his back… once.
Piaffe: Jigging. (“I’m trotting in place!”)
Crow Hop: When your “own” horse violently bucks, but your “own” horse would never buck. He was just crow-hopping.
Hard Keeper: Imagine a little boy from Somalia was reincarnated as your horse.
Easy Keeper: Foundered.
Dead broke: Deaf, and dead.
Bombproof: Deaf, lame and dead.
Hard Sided: Won’t move unless walking towards the grain bucket. Spurs to him feel like a deep-tissue massage.
Hot: Has never slowed down to a walk a day in his life.
Needs Experienced Rider: You will lose a limb if you back this horse.
Easy to Catch: Easy to catch in a 10×10 stall with a bucket of grain, in a pair of hobbles.
Hard to Catch: Hard to catch unless you have a tranquilizer dart, or are a skilled roper.
Sound: Sound when standing still in a pile of shavings.
Lame: Can’t walk, and missing a hoof.
Well Broke: Can walk and poop at the same time.
Safe: Hasn’t killed anyone, yet…
Have any others to add? Share them in the comments section.