Forget “drug mules”–horses are the ones we should be worried about. Carley Sparks investigates.
I may have just stumbled upon the best-kept secret in organized crime: Horses are running the marijuana trade.
Last October, law officials in Arizona intercepted a horse being hauled across the state with more than 2,900 pounds of marijuana. Literally, he was standing among 116 wrapped parcels of dope. Clearly, that was the horse’s idea. If Breaking Bad has taught us anything, it’s that no self-respecting human drug dealer would let a 1,200 pound animal stand on $1 million dollars worth of weed. That’s wack, yo.
If you think that’s a one-time trafficking offense, it’s not. Arkansas police found 418 pounds of pot in a false compartment under a horse trailer in August. Similar busts for the old “hidden compartment in the trailer” trick have been made in New Mexico, California AND Texas. And that’s just what I found on the first page of Google.
Now some people will say, it’s the donkeys we should be worried about—the “drug mules.” It’s true that South African police intercepted a donkey train carrying an estimated $230,000 in marijuana along the KwaZulu-Natal / Lesoto border last year. But was it a real trafficking ring or just a clever decoy to deflect the heat away from horses?
I mean, do you know how slow donkeys move? If that doesn’t scream setup, I don’t know what does.
And it’s not just delivery end that horses are working on. They’re into production, too. In Canada, special investigators busted an underground bunker elaborately disguised as a horse stable in B.C. Sgt. Lindsey Houghton, spokesman for province’s Combined Forces Special Enforcement Unit, said it was one of the most sophisticated operations B.C. police have ever seen. That’s how clever the horse drug rings have become.
If there was any shred of doubt still in your mind, watch this YouTube video. Nattie G, who is not at all sketchy, comes right out and says horses are “the key” to growing great marijuana. With pearls of wisdom like “Happy horse poop comes from California,” you can tell he knows what he’s talking about too.
Next thing, horses will be pushing medical marijuana on their friends. Oh wait, they’re already on that, too.
Horses. Now you know.
Carley Sparks provides mostly-true coverage of hunter/jumper sport in North America at getmyfix.org. Stop by! It’s fun there.
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