Subliminal messaging… it’s everywhere.
You really need to read between the lines when horse shopping. Here’s our tongue-in-cheek guide.
Warning sounds should go off with this key term. Athletic means this horse can buck, bolt, rear, bite and kick… all at the same time. If you can channel this energy into something worthwhile, you might end up with a competitive horse… if not, you might end up in the hospital.
2. Good on trails.
This horse can cross water and somehow ride through the trees without decapitating you, but in reality this means said horse either a. sucks in the arena, b. is impossible to get into the arena or c. has never been in an arena.
This horse has probably been ridden for five years and has had ten trainers, but still bucks off everyone that climbs aboard and still spooks at his/her grain bucket every morning, while bolting through the fence/barn wall/aisle way.
4. Kid safe
This horse is impossible to get past a walk. Trot? Forget about it. This horse has one speed, and it’s not fast. Spurs fall on deaf ears. But the horse has really mastered the “halt!”
5. No papers and 14 years old.
14 years is the magical number that everyone gives horses that doesn’t know for sure how old they are. They could be 25, but they’re always 14 on the ad. That’s what their “vet, boyfriend,girlfriend, or last owner” told them. Who cares if the horse is half-blind, swayback, and a bag of bones. Gosh darn it, he’s only 14 years old with his whole life ahead of him!
All in good fun, Horse Nation. Go riding!