A Day in the Life of a Pony Named Pony: New Year, Same Me

A thoughtful reflection on self-improvement, personal growth, and why absolutely none of that applies when you’re already perfect.

Dear Diary,

Apparently it is a New Year.

This revelation was delivered to me this morning by Beta Human, who arrived at my stall armed with optimism, a travel mug, and the deeply misguided belief that this would be the year I finally become “easier.” She said something about “fresh starts” and “resolutions,” which I assume is human for we are dissatisfied with you but don’t want to say it out loud.

I listened politely while finishing my breakfast at a pace designed to test her patience and remind her who truly controls time.

For the record, I have considered my New Year’s resolutions very carefully. After deep reflection (standing still and staring at the other mares for 20 minutes with my ears pinned), I have decided the following:

I resolve to remain exactly as I am.

Why would I change? I am flawless.

In 2026, I resolve to:

• Continue pretending I cannot be caught while simultaneously hovering just close enough to keep Beta Human hopeful. Hope is important. For me.
• Maintain my firm stance that blankets are both necessary and an unforgivable personal insult, depending entirely on my mood.
• Persist in my belief that gates should be left open for me specifically, and closed immediately behind me for everyone else.
• Keep relocating tools, brushes, and one glove from every pair to places that will never be checked.
• Remain deeply offended by grain portions while leaving several pellets untouched, to prove a point.
• Uphold my long-standing policy of standing like a statue for the farrier, then unleashing chaos the moment anyone says, “Wow, she’s being so good today.”

I briefly considered resolving to stop yanking the lead rope out of Beta Human’s hands at the exact moment she relaxes. But honestly, why rob her of that personal growth opportunity?

There was also talk of “being nicer” and “less dramatic.” I found this confusing. Drama is my brand. Without it, who would I be? A gelding?

Beta Human suggested that the new year might be a chance for me to “work on myself.” I looked at her. I blinked slowly. I sighed the sigh of someone burdened by excellence.

Work on what, exactly?

My ears are expressive. My opinions are correct. My ability to sense when someone is in a hurry and respond accordingly is a gift. My talent for locating mud in a frozen paddock is unmatched. These are not flaws. These are features.

So yes, Diary, I have made my New Year’s resolutions.

I resolve to:

• Be fabulous.
• Be difficult.
• Be occasionally cooperative for exactly 30 seconds, just long enough to keep everyone guessing.
• Be Pony.

If humans wish to improve themselves this year, I support that journey from a safe distance, preferably while chewing hay and judging them quietly.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear someone saying my name in that tone that means they think they’re in charge.

Adorable.

Pony