Ask AI Equestrian Edition: The Sassy Mare Thanksgiving Parade
We’re back at it! Asking AI to create humorous equestrian-related content we call all laugh at. This time, we’ve decided to ask AI to allow mares to design a Thanksgiving parade.
This week is Thanksgiving, a holiday rooted in gratitude, tradition, and gathering together with the people (and animals) we love. It’s one of the most cherished celebrations in the United States, blending history, harvest, and hearty meals. From turkey and stuffing to pumpkin pies, parades, family gatherings, football games, and the annual debate over who’s doing the dishes, Thanksgiving is a mix of food, family, reflection, and fun.
So we decided to play along with the holiday spirit and see what AI had to say about horses and Thanksgiving.
All AI-generated text replies are from ChatGPT.
Canva/CC
Here’s the prompt we gave AI: “Describe a Thanksgiving parade designed entirely by sassy mares.”
And… here’s what it came up with:
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a herd of sassy mares were put in complete control of a Thanksgiving parade—no humans, no rules, no supervision, and absolutely no regard for public safety—well, wonder no more. This is the official account (as official as anything authored by mares can be) of The First Annual Sassy Mare Thanksgiving Parade, which will go down in history as the most chaotic holiday event since the Great Turkey Stampede of ’94.
PARADE PREP: OR WHAT THE MARES CALL “MANAGEMENT FAILURE”
The planning committee consisted of the barn’s four most opinionated mares: Velvet, Cricket, Margarita, and Jolene. Their leadership style can best be described as dictatorship with decorative sparkles.
Velvet, the self-appointed parade director, kicked off the first meeting by dramatically swishing her tail into everyone’s faces and declaring:
“If I don’t get final say on everything, this parade isn’t happening.”
Everyone agreed, but mostly because Velvet bites.
Cricket was in charge of costume design, despite the fact that she’s allergic to fabric, glitter, feathers, and responsibility. Margarita oversaw float construction because she once dragged a tarp for two minutes without panicking, which apparently qualified her as the resident engineer. Jolene was in charge of parade music. No one asked her to be. She just showed up wearing a Bluetooth speaker necklace and said, “Neighody move. I got this.”
This was the energy from the beginning.
THE FLOATS: A MARVELOUS MONSTROSITY
The mares’ vision for the floats was ambitious, stunning, and deeply unsafe.
Float #1: “CARROTS: A LOVE STORY”
Built by Margarita using a stolen wheelbarrow, three traffic cones, the barn owner’s good cooler, and 47 pounds of duct tape. It leaned to the left, smelled like spilled sweet feed, and looked like something OSHA would use as a cautionary example.
Float #2: “MARES AGAINST MORNING FEED DELAYS”
Cricket designed this as a protest float, complete with signs reading “You’re late? I kick.” and “We deserve pellets on demand.” She insisted on real fire as part of the design. Jolene said no. Velvet said yes. Margarita ate the matches. Chaos ensued.
Float #3: “GOBBLE GONE WRONG”
This float was meant to feature a giant, inflatable turkey. The mares misunderstood how inflatables work and attempted to fill it with hay instead of air. When that didn’t work, they simply stomped on it until it looked “more realistic.”
PARADE DAY: IT BEGINS… AND IMMEDIATELY GOES WRONG
The parade was scheduled to start at 10 a.m., but all mares refused to move until they’d inspected every bystander for treats. Velvet delayed the start by 25 minutes because someone in the crowd looked like they had peppermints and she wanted proof.
Finally, the parade began. Or, more accurately, the mares began moving forward in an uncoordinated cluster while threatening each other with pinned ears.
The crowd was delighted.
The mares were not delighted that the crowd was delighted.
THE MARCHING BANDS (MADE OF VOLUNTEER GELDINGS)
A group of eager geldings attempted to be part of the parade as the “marching band.” They practiced for weeks, learning rhythm by tapping their hooves and flipping feed tubs like drums.
The mares shut that down immediately.
Jolene walked up to them, stared them down, and said:
“This is a mare parade. You may observe. From a distance. Quietly.”
The geldings scattered like pigeons at a fireworks show.
THE CHAOS ESCALATES
At the halfway point, Velvet decided the parade route was flawed because it involved “too much walking” and not enough “pausing to admire Velvet.” She stopped in the middle of Main Street and refused to move until everyone clapped specifically for her.
They did.
She continued.
Meanwhile, Cricket discovered someone in the crowd had apples and launched herself off the float like a missile. Several parade watchers screamed, thinking it was part of the show. It was not. Cricket returned to the parade covered in caramel and pride.
Margarita attempted to steer Float #1 around a corner but instead steered directly into a decorative shrub. She blamed gravity. Jolene blamed management. Velvet blamed whoever designed corners.
THE TURKEY INCIDENT
Every Thanksgiving parade has one defining moment. This was the mares’.
A local 4-H club brought a live turkey for “educational purposes.” Unfortunately, the turkey escaped just as Jolene was blasting “All I Want for Christmas Is You” from her speaker.
The mares saw the turkey.
The turkey saw the mares.
Everyone immediately made poor decisions.
The turkey sprinted down the street gobbling like it was being chased by destiny. Jolene screamed, “TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!” and bolted after it. Velvet, unwilling to be outshined, chased Jolene. Cricket chased Velvet. Margarita chased the giant inflatable hay-stuffed turkey from Float #3, thinking it was the real one.
Within seconds, the parade dissolved into:
- a turkey running for its life
- four mares running for drama
- six volunteers running after the mares
- a crowd cheering like they paid for this chaos
THE GRAND FINALE (WHICH WAS NOT PLANNED)
Eventually, the turkey hid inside a landscaping bush and refused to come out. The mares lost interest, except for Cricket, who stood guard and demanded apologies from everyone.
Velvet decided this was the perfect moment to announce the parade’s ending. She stood on Float #1 (leaning dramatically to the side), tossed her mane, and declared:
“Thank you all for attending the debut of the greatest parade in the history of hooves. You may now shower us with admiration and snacks.”
The crowd, exhausted but entertained, complied.
POST-PARADE DEBRIEF
After returning to the barn, the mares held a follow-up meeting to discuss improvements for next year:
Velvet wants a float dedicated entirely to herself.
Cricket wants the turkey banned.
Margarita wants working wheels.
Jolene wants pyrotechnics.
None of these will happen.
All of them will happen anyway.
FINAL WORDS FROM THE MARES
If you take nothing else away from the First Annual Sassy Mare Thanksgiving Parade, take this:
Never put mares in charge.
But if you do…
Make sure everyone signs a liability waiver AND brings snacks.
