If Only Parenting Worked Like Horse Training

So, it appears we’re on a “how horses are like children” kick today. In keeping with that, here are 10 things that would MAKE OUR DAY if we could enforce it with our children the way we do with our horses.

Literally how my kids look at me when I ask them to do something they don’t want to do. Canva/CC

As equestrians, we’ve all had the thought at least once — usually somewhere between a toddler meltdown and a teenage eye-roll that could peel paint: “If only I could school my kids the way I school my horses.” Because let’s be honest — horses may bite, kick, and spook, but at least they don’t talk back, demand snacks every three minutes, or roll their eyes when you say “watch your language.”

So, in the spirit of cross-training, here’s what parenting could look like if we applied a little barn logic to the chaos of child-rearing:

1. Time to Longe It Out
When your kid starts throwing a tantrum in Target, you could just clip on the line, send them out for a few circles, and wait until they relax and start “licking and chewing.” Bonus points if you can do this in the cereal aisle without getting escorted out.

2. Pressure and Release
Homework refusal? Apply gentle pressure (“you’re not leaving the table”)… release when they finally pick up the pencil. Voilà — negative reinforcement at work! Monty Roberts would be proud.

3. Desensitization Training
Loud noises, crowds, sibling drama — just keep waving the plastic bag of life until they stop spooking at it. (Note: this might take 18 years.)

4. Groundwork Before Saddle Time
Don’t even think about letting them near the carpool line until they’ve demonstrated they can walk, halt, and not try to bite their sibling.

5. Yield the Hindquarters (of Attitude)
Teen sass? Ask for a little give through the ribcage. If only emotional flexibility were as simple as a good lateral movement.

6. Consistent Routine
Feed, turnout, and bedtime at the same time every day. Deviate once, and you’ll have a crib-biting, fence-walking 10-year-old on your hands. Oh… wait. That is the same.

7. “Don’t Reward the Buck”
Ignore the drama. Calmly ask again. Reward the quiet moment. Repeat. (You’ll get there… probably by college.)

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8. Join-Up
The magical moment when your kid realizes you’re not the enemy and voluntarily walks beside you? Pure horsemanship bliss.

9. Trailer Loading
Family road trips would be way smoother if you could just cluck, point, and have them self-load into the dually.

10. Turnout Time
Because sometimes, no matter how good your training plan is, everyone just needs to run, roll, and get the zoomies out.

Parenting and horsemanship may look different on paper, but they run on the same philosophy: consistency, patience, and the occasional snack bribe. And while you can’t exactly longe a toddler or ground-tie a teenager (tempting, though), at least you can laugh knowing you’re not the only one wishing life came with a round pen.

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