Have a Happy, Horsey Hanukkah

All of us at Horse Nation wish you a happy Hanukkah! Biz Stamm has crafted four horsey Hanukkah songs for her fellow Jewish equestrians to sing at the barn.

Helix and I would like to send out a big “Happy Hanukkah!” to all those celebrating, and I would like to offer some assistance horsefying your holiday this year. For the past four years I have provided those crazy meshuganas over at Horse Radio Network with Hanukkah songs for their annual Holiday Radiothon. The Horse Radio Network Holiday Radiothon is always a blast and you can hear my actual, terrible singing voice performing these tunes as well as many other incredibly talented listeners doing horsey renditions of holiday favorites, and interviews with some of greats of the equestrian world. If you weren’t able to listen live check out the 12 recorded hours here.

It has been a bit lonely singing these songs by myself and I thought if I put them out there into the ether I might get a few more people to sing along with me, and give the Jewish equestrians out there the holiday songs they never knew they needed so badly. So without further adieu I would like to present to you my horsey Hanukkah songs.

Helix wearing his Hanukkah best. Photo by Biz Stamm

To the tune of Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah” song:

Hanukkah is a festival of light.
Instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights!
So if you feel like the only kid at the barn without a Christmas tree,
Here’s a list of other equestrians who are Jewish just like you and me.

American Pharoah lights the menorah.
Ahmed Zayat spins the driedel on the floorah.
And guess who drinks manischewitz:
Dressage great Robert Dover and Margie Engle at HITS.

Georgina Bloomberg’s half Jewish,
And I’m half Jewish, too.
Put us both together and that’s one horse crazy Jew!

So many Jews are in the horse biz.
George Morris isn’t Jewish,
but I heard his accountant is.

So put on your yarmulke.
It’s time for Hanukkah.
It’s so much fun-akkah,
To celebrate Hanukkah.
So put your helmet on-nukkah,
And ride a Lippizan-nukkah
But only if it wan-nukkah.
Have a happy happy happy happy Hanukkah!!!

I feel like the next song requires a bit of back story.  You see, I wasn’t going to submit a song for the second HRN Radiothon, but after being thoroughly harassed by Horses in the Morning hosts, Glenn, Jamie, Jenn and our very own Leslie Wylie, I caved and submitted the following.

To the tune of “Lonely Jew on Christmas” from South Park:

It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas
I’m the only one that’s here on HRN
Jamie, Jenn and Glenn had just one thing to ask of me
But I couldn’t come come up with a stupid song that’s sure to please
and I’m desperately pleading please Leslie don’t fire me 

Hanukkah is nice but why is it
That it comes without those sweet candy canes
And instead of eating them
my horse is chewing on my sleeve
and without the fuzzy stocking my stall front looks quite empty
and can somebody please tell me why they don’t make yamulkes for hors-ees.

Cuz  I’m a Jew, a horsey Jew.
I’d be merry, but I’m Hebrew
On Christmas.

This year I wandered over into the world of Jewish punk music to provide a horsey interpretation of “The Brews” by NOFX.

To the tune of “The Brews” by NOFX

Radiothon night we’ll
Be drinking manischewitz
As make our way out in the barn.
The aisle is swept and the menorah’s lit
It’s Hanukkah party time on the farm

We’re the Brews with horse manure and hay stuck on our shoes
We’re the ones up for some good kosher horsey fun.

Baruch atah
I think a new Pessoa
Would make a fine gift for my horse indeed.
And as far as I go,
I’d like some new Animos
A small request from me and my steed

We’re the Brews with horse manure and hay stuck on our shoes
We’re the ones up for some good kosher horsey fun.

HRN Semites
Horse-obessed mashuganas
We’re gonna ride tonight.
We are the Chosen ones.
Chutzpah driven,
We gallop then we feast
We celebrate,
All that’s great with Glenn, Jenn, and Jamie.

We’re the Brews with horse manure and hay stuck on our shoes
We’re the ones up for some good kosher horsey fun.

To the tune of “The Dreidel Song”

I have a little pony
I see him everyday
But when I try to catch him
He promptly runs away.
I have a little pony 
He loves to dance and spin
And when he throws me on the ground 
I get on once again 
I have a little pony 
He’s cute and full of sass
I love my little pony 
even if he is an…let’s try and keep this family friendly. 
Pony pony pony
I feed you lots of hay
Pony pony pony 
With pony I shall play

So now that your horsey Hanukkah playlist is complete, it’s time to light the menorah —

Photo by Biz Stamm

No, Helix!  I said “menorah,” not “manure”!

Photo by Carol Stamm.

That’s better. So as I was saying, light the menorah and get celebrating! Happy Hanukkah, Horse Nation!

Go riding!

Leave a Comment


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *