Have a Happy, Horsey Hanukkah

All of us at Horse Nation wish you a happy Hanukkah! Biz Stamm has crafted four horsey Hanukkah songs for her fellow Jewish equestrians to sing at the barn.

Helix and I would like to send out a big “Happy Hanukkah!” to all those celebrating, and I would like to offer some assistance horsefying your holiday this year. For the past four years I have provided those crazy meshuganas over at Horse Radio Network with Hanukkah songs for their annual Holiday Radiothon. The Horse Radio Network Holiday Radiothon is always a blast and you can hear my actual, terrible singing voice performing these tunes as well as many other incredibly talented listeners doing horsey renditions of holiday favorites, and interviews with some of greats of the equestrian world. If you weren’t able to listen live check out the 12 recorded hours here.

It has been a bit lonely singing these songs by myself and I thought if I put them out there into the ether I might get a few more people to sing along with me, and give the Jewish equestrians out there the holiday songs they never knew they needed so badly. So without further adieu I would like to present to you my horsey Hanukkah songs.

Helix wearing his Hanukkah best. Photo by Biz Stamm

To the tune of Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah” song:

Hanukkah is a festival of light.
Instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights!
So if you feel like the only kid at the barn without a Christmas tree,
Here’s a list of other equestrians who are Jewish just like you and me.

American Pharoah lights the menorah.
Ahmed Zayat spins the driedel on the floorah.
And guess who drinks manischewitz:
Dressage great Robert Dover and Margie Engle at HITS.

Georgina Bloomberg’s half Jewish,
And I’m half Jewish, too.
Put us both together and that’s one horse crazy Jew!

So many Jews are in the horse biz.
George Morris isn’t Jewish,
but I heard his accountant is.

So put on your yarmulke.
It’s time for Hanukkah.
It’s so much fun-akkah,
To celebrate Hanukkah.
So put your helmet on-nukkah,
And ride a Lippizan-nukkah
But only if it wan-nukkah.
Have a happy happy happy happy Hanukkah!!!

I feel like the next song requires a bit of back story.  You see, I wasn’t going to submit a song for the second HRN Radiothon, but after being thoroughly harassed by Horses in the Morning hosts, Glenn, Jamie, Jenn and our very own Leslie Wylie, I caved and submitted the following.

To the tune of “Lonely Jew on Christmas” from South Park:

This year I wandered over into the world of Jewish punk music to provide a horsey interpretation of “The Brews” by NOFX.

To the tune of “The Brews” by NOFX

Radiothon night we’ll
Be drinking manischewitz
As make our way out in the barn.
The aisle is swept and the menorah’s lit
It’s Hanukkah party time on the farm

We’re the Brews with horse manure and hay stuck on our shoes
We’re the ones up for some good kosher horsey fun.

Baruch atah
I think a new Pessoa
Would make a fine gift for my horse indeed.
And as far as I go,
I’d like some new Animos
A small request from me and my steed

We’re the Brews with horse manure and hay stuck on our shoes
We’re the ones up for some good kosher horsey fun.

HRN Semites
Horse-obessed mashuganas
We’re gonna ride tonight.
We are the Chosen ones.
Chutzpah driven,
We gallop then we feast
We celebrate,
All that’s great with Glenn, Jenn, and Jamie.

We’re the Brews with horse manure and hay stuck on our shoes
We’re the ones up for some good kosher horsey fun.

To the tune of “The Dreidel Song”

So now that your horsey Hanukkah playlist is complete, it’s time to light the menorah —

Photo by Biz Stamm

No, Helix!  I said “menorah,” not “manure”!

Photo by Carol Stamm.

That’s better. So as I was saying, light the menorah and get celebrating! Happy Hanukkah, Horse Nation!

Go riding!