Let’s take a moment and be grateful for the fact that this is not (yet) a thing.
Thought experiment time: what if your horse were a student about to go back to school? We imagine the shopping list would look a little something like this:
1. A new set of brushes, including a curry, hard brush, soft brush, hoof pick, mane brush and face brush
Last year’s set is outdated, dirty and probably missing a few pieces by now. Bonus points if the set is coordinating. Super gold star bonus points if you get them custom-painted.
2. Baker sheet
All the cool kids are wearing Baker this season. Don’t even think about getting the imitation pattern from a less expensive knockoff. You don’t want your horse to get teased at feeding time, do you?
3. New shoes
You always need new shoes for the start of the school year… and actually every 4-6 weeks after, but who’s counting?
4. Supplements, organized in SmartPaks
Who has time to measure out all those supplements themselves? Sure, Pinterest makes it look cute to pack your little pony’s supplement box every morning so he can eat well, but let’s be real here for a minute.
5. A new copy of the USEF Rulebook
(Here’s your friendly reminder that the new rulebook is in fact effective on September 1.)
6. Breakaway halter with nameplate
While we’re talking nameplates, you might as well buy one for pretty much everything that belongs to your horse, because otherwise it’s likely to wander home to someone else’s stall on a completely different animal. Also, your horse is likely to lose the halter in the first week anyway when the bully in the pasture rips it right off and flings it into the woods.
7. New polo wraps and saddle pad in coordinating colors to show your spirit and pride
Nothing like school spirit to encourage plunking down more cash for coordinating apparel so your horse can look just like everyone else. You don’t want to be that guy at the spirit rally, do you do?
8. 3″ diameter tack sponges, 10-count
Don’t get 2″ diameter sponges, and don’t get the 12-count. The supply list is extremely specific.
Happy back to school shopping, Horse Nation. Go riding!