“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?” – W. Shakespeare, As You Like It
What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Fair Shakespeare Ranch seeketh the heart of a new and loving lady
to tame its wild meadows and throw open the barn doors of happiness?
CONTEMPT, FAREWELL! AND MAIDEN PRIDE, ADIEU!
I meddle not with the affections of my dearest Horse Nation companions,
for it is true: $69 million proper American guineas will prove the fee
for a life bound up in pleasures and profound gaieties.
Stretch forth thine hand toward thine coin purse and that of thine neighbors
and claim this holy landscape for thine people and thine steeds!
Acres number 129 and Lake Tahoe’s waters do touch thine golden shores here,
200 feet in total. Seven grand abodes abound
for your ladies, nobleman, servant folk, and any passing traveler
whom you so choose to quarter here.
First claimed by goodly hand in the year of our lord 1861,
history’s bells ring mighty across the greenery of verdant Nevada,
and but thrice hath the great manor passed between masters.
To offer this fair land to the kindly citizens is a rare occasion indeed.
wondrous festivities illuminate the waters at night
as the early barn hath been revived in recent seasons
and it now breathes in and out again the wild frivolities of life
adorned with knacks, trifles, and nosegays of the time
to host great kings of modernity: Lionel Richie, Kenny Loggins, and Smokey Robinson.
To new stables hath the horses been received,
with all the fineries of steeds fit for Ophelia herself.
The adorning wood on every surface calls to me,
exchanging love-tokens with my heart and imprinting its glow upon me
Not content simply to house great minstrels,
Fine Rodeo Grounds doth twinkle in the moonlight,
urging man and bull to spin great stories as death and calamity look on
Jaws of great noblewomen agape as spectacle woos them from their worries
The castle, newly built, sways the motion of mine heart
with glowing public baths, bed chambers without equal
and a wine cellar Dionysys himself would stand dazzled by its contents
True love, I seek no more, for it lies on Tahoe’s misty fringes
If the guineas strike no fear into thine coffers,
more goodly tales of Shakespeare Ranch’s mysteries
Might be divulged through our goodly messenger, Christies International Real Estate.
Get thee hence to the barn, and go riding.