Magnolia, darlin’, bring mama her fan and some ice cold sweet tea — the magnificent splendor of Stony Brook Farm has brought on another faintin’ spell.
(Preface: This post is best read by picturing it’s being slowly and decadently read to you by a senior southern belle Blanche Devereaux of Golden Girls. Also, I’d like to personally apologize to literally everyone who lives in the south.)
Oh honey child. The perfect property in the perfect city surrounded by perfect woods and perfect landscaping? IT’S TOO PERFECT. I think I may need my smellin’ salts. Even at $1.3 million, I simply must assume that the house is haunted by one of those yankee soldiers from the War of Northern Aggression; perhaps it’s built on a voodoo cemetery, or there’s some sort of evil vortex to Satan’s underworld in those woods. Nothing a little Bible readin’ and a proper seance couldn’t fix.
Because I do declare, take a look at Stony Brook Farm:
Nestled in the Aiken woods on 50 plush acres of South Carolina landscape, this custom built and meticulously designed property was clearly not built by an oblivious billionaire with no horse sense like you see those silly Hollywood characters do over in Malibu (bless their hearts), but instead perfectly laid out with efficiency and horsemanship in mind. It was built in the last five years, so the amenities are fresher than a hot Sunday rhubarb pie.
The horses will have the option of living the good life in the courtyard-style barn or in one of the eight pristine turnouts which account for more than 15 acres of the property, me oh my. There is a four-acre riding field with green, springy footing fit for a grand prix ring, a dressage arena, and even a 1.3 mile galloping track for conditioning a horse for any proper, ladylike sport. Of course, there is also a beautiful tack room and feed room for all your this and that and what have you.
There are three human abodes on site, as well: a 3,000 square foot home that’s modern and cutting edge, but also full of historic, rustic Aiken charm. It’s ideal for entertaining all your friends, all the people who are just pretending to be your friends so they can hang out at your barn, and your downright frenemies you just want to gossip about after they leave.
Personally, I’m rather fond of that gorgeous wraparound deck and bonfire pit for those late fall get-togethers in the southern sunshine. Of course, there is also a 2-bedroom 1-bath cottage and a studio apartment for anyone you might want on sight, such a handsome pool boy (there is no pool) or stable boy, or, I don’t know, boot organizing boy. We’ll find something for him to do, hallelujah amen!
Get your local minister over to do a little exorcising whatever evil spirits have caused this place to sell for a screaming deal like $1.375 million, and start gettin’ your affairs in order for a big southern move. You can go on and get more information at the original listing at Sharer Dale Real Estate.
Bless your heart, and go riding!