Patent office, please take note.
Some people dream about their perfect man, others dream about finding their perfect job. What do I dream about? The perfect tools that would make my and every other equestrian’s life so much easier! Now, I’ll admit that sometimes my “inventions” are a little far fetched. That being said, I am also 1000% sure that at one point the idea of a tiny machine that could remotely connect you to anyone, anywhere in the world at any time was also considered a little “out there.” Yes, I am comparing my creations to those as game changing as the cell phone because in my life, they would be!
Unnamed Stall Cleaner
We all know that one horse that we curse under our breath when talking about the way he keeps his house. He might be the cutest dude in the barn, always ready for a kiss and a cookie but when it comes to his stall, he’s the anti-Christ. We loathe the seemingly 15 hours it takes to sort his poos and pees from whatever scraps of clean bedding might be left. *Billy Mays voice* BUT WHAT IF THERE WAS A DEVICE THAT WOULD DO IT FOR YOU?!?
(PSA: Working students are not “devices.”)
I mean, they have self cleaning kitty litter boxes, tons of them! And if you really think about it, stalls are just basically giant litter boxes…right? So, what if that “CatGenie” was scaled to horse size and became the “Hours of blood, sweat and tears Saver,” or the “Have another cup of coffee and don’t rush this morning because My Little Pony’s stall is already finished and fluffed”? Okay, I know it needs a better name and “HorseGenie” seemed too obvious. It’s a work in progress.
Horse Talker 2.0
Yesterday you had a phenomenal ride, everything went perfect and you could have easily passed for Charlotte Dujardin and your mount, Blueberry’s younger, more handsome brother. Today, however, you resemble a monkey jockeying Blueberry’s inbred cousin. Wish you could just sit down and explain to your llama/dragon/sometimes horse that if you guys played nicely and cooperated with each other it would be so much more enjoyable (and probably a heck of a lot shorter ride!)? Think of all the money you would save on vet bills if you could just say “tell me where it hurts.” and be understood.
Sure, I talk to my ponies alllll the time, we all do but what if they could understand us? What if we could understand them? Could be more than we wished for but I, for one, am willing to risk it! Of course we all pay attention to their behavior, patterns and habits to try to glean any little bit of info out of them. But what if we could take the guess work out of communicating with our other halves? With the invention of Horse Talker 2.0 (see above for naming explanation) we would be able to just look at them and say “Hi, pony friend! I love you and today we’re going to have a great jump school.” Their response? “What is that you have there, cookie? JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!” We could even console them in their darkest times; “You’re totally fine, that is the same tarp that we walk by every day and there are no monsters in it, on it or around it.” The possibilities are endless.
Obviously I’m a little late to the party with this one but really I’ve just been dreaming about an equine application for this stress-relieving, protective invention. Horses have so many amazing talents: their graceful athleticism, their incredible therapeutic abilities and last but CERTAINLY not least, their uncanny ability to hurt themselves doing absolutely nothing. They can find that one lone nail in the paddock to rip their nose on. That one way to lay down to get stuck on something, that’s got to be their favorite way to lie!
So imagine for a second that we could wrap them up in a durable, protective layer; releasing them into the wild abandon of their paddocks to live out their evening in safe, uninjured bliss. All the while, we kick back with nice can of cheap beer and know that we won’t have any three legged surprises in the morning. Talk about sleeping easy! Unfortunately, I do understand that bubble wrap as it is known now would never work to protect our equine partners. But say it didn’t make the popping sound? What if was more like a suit or blanket that they wore in turn out? A suit of bubbled armor! “Pony Wrap” should absolutely be a thing.
Now, this one is pretty obvious and probably not limited to the horse world. The “Money Tree” could really answer all of my problems. If I could plant a little seed (quarters, pennies, dimes etc.) and have that grow into an actual tree with money as its fruit….oh, praise be! I wouldn’t even go crazy with it. I would be responsible and have foresight for the fruits of my (its) labor. Using the funds only to pay off vet bills (they’d love that), finally fix my duct-taped boots, take as many lessons as humanly possible, enter my competitions way ahead of closing date, pay my farrier in advance (he’d love that too!), and maybe eat something other than mac and cheese one night a week!
I know, I know — some of these are way off in the future but just think how much easier our lives would be with these inventions! We all love our sport and our partners, we realize that our love is grown out of the blood, sweat and tears poured in over time. Every now and then you have to admit you find yourself daydreaming about AMAZING things that could totally change the game. If any of you want to discuss the research and/or development of the ideas above please, please, please let me know!
Annie Goodwin was born and raised on a dude ranch in Banner, Wyoming. She has worked her way up through the ranks for top level eventers and show jumpers and has just recently purchased a top class facility in Aiken, SC. She now focuses on developing her young string of promising eventers and show jumpers to be a top level international competitor. Learn more about Annie Goodwin at rafteryequestrian.com.