Okay, let’s admit it — a majority of horse lovers are women, and a majority of us might be guilty of ditching our significant others for the barn on more than one occasion.
It’s Valentine’s Day and your girl still isn’t back from the barn! What’s a guy to do?! Here are some some suggested ways of spending your time when your horse-obsessed girl chooses her horse over you.
Crying in the fetal position: Crying is cathartic, and the fetal position is a shockingly good stretch for your back, so get down on the floor, tuck your knees up to your chest, and let those emotions flow, baby. Girls like guys who can openly express their feelings, so who knows, if she gets home from the barn early (let’s be real — that won’t happen) and catches you mid cry, you may receive some well-earned comforting.
Glancing back and forth between a picture of her horse and a mirror wondering what he has that you don’t: Her horse is sleek, beautiful, and athletic. You would be too if she paid half as much attention to your diet and fitness routine as she did to his, right?! Be careful what you wish for, my friend. You may soon find yourself eating carefully portioned Smartpaks and being dragged out bed for morning lunging sessions. At least you have a great personality, right? Nah, her horse probably has you beat there, too.
Catching up on some much needed self-loathing: We all know that ego will get you nowhere when dealing with a horse girl, so keep yours in check! Take this time to remind yourself of all of your deficiencies as a human, most notably, lack of hooves, a fuzzy, kissable muzzle, and your less than expressive passage. Keep that ego in check and she will love you for it… when she gets back from the barn.
Losing yourself in post-apocalyptic literature: The world is an unlivable wasteland. That may sound horrifying initially, but after thinking about it for a second, you realize that there is a huge plus side to life after the collapse of humanity. No horses! Sure, you may have to fight tooth and nail for the last remaining Twinkie at the abandoned mini-mart in order to survive, but when you’re not doing that, you can actually spend some time with your significant other. What a fantasy!
Go to the barn with her: Sure, you may get annoyed with her all-consuming horse habit from time to time, but you are very aware that so many of the things that make her great, that make you love every hay-covered inch of her, are a direct result of horses. So embrace it. Go to the barn. See her in her element, and become a little more familiar with the thing that makes her who she is.
Biz Stamm is a horse trainer/mad scientist who enjoys spending her free time running like a gentle breeze in the Oregon foothills. Specializing in starting young horses under saddle at Stamm Sport Horse LLC, she brings the analytical approach she has acquired while working in laboratory to her training. She currently owns two horses: the Kalvin Cycle (Kalvin). a 10-year-old half-Arabian gelding, and DB’s Alpha Helix (Helix), a 5-year-old Kiger mustang gelding. While she is currently pursuing competitive goals, her main goal is to enjoy her horses, and for her horses to enjoy her.