Fantasy Farm Thursday: $3 Million California Ranch with a Side of Free Guac

And all the awkward realtor gesticulating that your fantasy farm heart can handle.

I have three true loves in this crazy ride we call life: Horses, Great Things on the Internet, and Guacamole.

This, my friends, is all of those things at once, and is also the gateway to a truly decadent horse property in a place where the snow don’t fall and the ice don’t come a-knocking. I’m talking about a little place called Southern California:

Real Deal Ranch is aptly named, with two barns, 50 stalls, a massive covered arena with lighting, great footing and chill zones, four separate living quarters on-site (plus a decadent owner’s residence) and most importantly, your own avocado grove for an endless supply of guacamole so fresh it sings to you as you eat it.

But it’s not just the property itself that makes the virtual tour so magical, but also the hilarious realtor gals Kim and Sandy taking us on a charming, endearingly awkward tour of the ranch.

Being natural in front of a camera is a quality so few of us possess that really it starts to seem completely reasonable to pay movie stars so much to do it. Exhibit A: Kim and Sandy. These lovely ladies may not be destined for acting halls of fame, they did manage to theatrically gesture their way into my weird-horse-internet-loving heart.

This is totally how I would walk through my barn aisle every day if this were by barn aisle. Screenshot via YouTube.

I genuinely believe that she is experiencing a Fantasy Farm Nirvana here. Screenshot via YouTube.

Director off screen: “gesture towards the arena so they know where to find it.” Screenshot via YouTube.

Seemingly over-the-top but actually appropriate gesturing for that view. Screenshot via YouTube.

Touchdown! Screenshot via YouTube.

“It’s a house!” Screenshot via YouTube.

And the property really is a dream to boot. There are opulent waterfalls, extravagant kitchens (indoor and outdoor), an infinity pool with city and mountain views, and a horse property that spares absolutely no expense.

Screenshot via YouTube.

Screenshot via YouTube.

The property is currently listed for $3.49 million, and just in case the video left you wanting more, you can see the full listing, description and photos at the Coldwell Banker Red Team Website.

Go Kim and Sandy, and Go Riding!