We as a staff don’t ask for much from our publisher John — just a multi-million-dollar state-of-the-art equestrian center/Horse Nation headquarters to call our own.
We’ve been very, very good this year. We only posted 47 stories that offended someone and we limited our fake news to April Fool’s Day (rest of the journalistic world, pay attention!) We don’t ever, ever leave the office in the middle of the day to go riding… and we never exaggerate or rely on sarcasm to make a joke. Ever.
We don’t want a lot this year — just a little place to call our own. HNHQ, if you will! And to make it easier on you, we’ve already chosen the property after extensive browsing of Lorraine’s Fantasy Farm Thursday selections. John, all we really want this year is the Mexican waterfall barn. Remember that one?
Yeah, you remember. It’s PINK. And so is Horse Nation. It was meant to be!
And, of course, don’t forget the best part: the horsey wading pool/waterfall.
So, John, if you could slip that under the tree for us this year, we’d appreciate it SO much. And just think! You can stroll out of your office and find ALL of your staff gleefully splashing around with their horses in the wading pool. Oh, I mean, hard at work creating fresh new content for all of our readers, lounging somewhere in the shade around our beautiful equestrian center. That’s what I meant.
And we have just a few requests that would really make this place ours — a few personal little touches that would turn this into a home:
- Maria Wachter: “I would really like a vending machine for horses and humans, like full of junk food and also carrots.”
- Meagan DeLisle: “Me and the oh-so-needy Joey would love an on-site bakery that will make endless coconut cream pies and homemade horse treats on request. Dream. Come. True.”
- Candace Wade: “It already has the horse pool. I would like a Javier Bardem-look-a-like (shirtless or not, I’m easy) to follow me with icy mojitos (less sugar, more lime), playing Samba music while I trail ride. He needs to clean hooves for me, too. Too much?”
- Lindsey Kahn: “Can ALL our stablehands all be young Johnny Depp, Dwayne Johnson, Brad Pitt (from Legends of the Fall and/or Fight Club), Keanu Reeves, and Javier Bardem lookalikes? I’d even settle for a Joe Manganiello if we’re reeeeally scraping the bottom of the barrel.”
- Amanda Uechi Ronan: “If we build a few polo fields onsite, the hot boys — a few with bottomless bank accounts — will come all on their own.”
- Kristen Kovatch: “Turn one of these versatile riding/lunging/driving areas into a ride-up/drive-up wine bar.”
- Lorraine Jackson didn’t have her own special request, but she does want you to teach her cat Spanish.
So how about it, John? As we said, we’ve been very good this year, and we think we deserve it.
Happy Holidays, Horse Nation! Please forward all mail to the Mexican Waterfall Stable and we’re sure we’ll receive it.