Best of Craigslist: Circus Edition

We’re not sure what happened, but things got a little wild … fast. We’ve got a full spectrum of cringe-worthy ads in this week’s Best of Craigslist.

It starts innocently enough, with a couple of ads featuring people standing on horses. Because that’s what I look for when I’m buying a horse.

From Kimmy:

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We hate to get rid of our big boy but we just don’t have the time that he needs. He’s a very good horse full of engery around 17 years old… Which hasn’t slowed him down at all!!! Broke to ride. Can ride bare back or double! If you have any ?s about him please give me a call. show contact info or show contact info
Trailer is for 2 horses.


 

From Robin:

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Next thing you know we’ve got a “trick” horse …

From Leah: “Iowa has done it again with another great brutally honest horse ad.

iowa 1

iowa 2


And then suddenly we’ve got this pony, from Kaylene:

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I take back every nice thing I’ve said about this little prick. You think A pony Named Satan was bad? He’s got nothing on this little a$$hole.

He sat in a pen for the last 2 months and apparently has turned into a fire breathing dragon mixed with a little Mexican fighting bull. He’ll run you over, burn your hands, and then sull up when you try to lead him away from the mare he won’t breed.

He’s probably not good for anything except to look at. And even then he’s covered in mud half the time so he looks like a walking swamp monster. Or maybe a mini that’s been tarred and feathered? He’s loud, runs at the fence challenging my other horses and then bites the fence. He’s already been rolled twice this week by another gelding
One things for sure hes got more determination and fight than Manny Pacquiao. He pushes my mare off feed after kicking the tar out of her like any good abusive husband would.

At least he hasn’t tried to kick or bite me yet, right?

At the end of the day, hes just awful. Id rather try and wrangler a herd of ticked off rattle snakes that are all infected with ebola.

If you buy him, i feel sorry for you. I really do. But don’t bring him back wanting your money back. Once he hops on the trailer he’s yours. No returns. No exchanges.

However I will bring you a bottle of whiskey and watch you try and get this little monster to have something that resembles some manners. You’re gonna need a good stiff drink once he burns all the skin from your hands.

$150 in joshua. No delivery. The only good quality he has is he loads. He’ll probably just drag you in with him.


 

Well, Ron Burgundy had it right: that escalated quickly. But don’t worry, that’s not all: we’ve got plenty of top-notch tack and equipment …

From Jaida: “that saddle is in GREAT condition”

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From Kari: “Nice saddle, I guess?”

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From Lynn: “I have never looked at a hot tub and thought ‘hey! A horse water trough'”

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… and plenty more horse ads to leave you scratching your head.

From Kimmy:

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He is a gilding and about 15 hands tall. He is a very good horse. He is broke and is very loving. I ride him all the time. The only reason I am sellin him is bc im goin to collage. If u r interested plz txt me if I dont answer a call bc I dont have good service were I live. He is 7 years old


 

From Robin:

ass


 

From Katie:

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And we’ll wrap up this week’s collection with a mystery from Rocking Right Turn Quarter Horses:

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Moon is the solid brown horse. She was broke 3 years ago without any issues but hasn’t been rode since. She loves attention and is more like a big puppy.she’s so easy going that my 5 year old broke her. Still consider her green but has so much potential. She deserves someone who can love her and spend more time than we can with her. $300 She is approx 5 and is half pony.

Comanche is a registered paint. She is a stubborn one but the smoothest ride I’ve ever had. She doesn’t like to be caught in an open pasture but it can be done. She needs someone to work with her and understand her. Once caught, she is pretty easy going. She’s tall, approx 15.5 hands. She is not for the beginner, she’s still considered green broke as well. She has spunk. She’s fast and fun. She too deserves someone who can spend more time with her. $800

Please do not contact if u do not have the means to care for or transport a horse. Thanks!!!


Readers, if you run across an “interesting” ad in your Internet wanderings, send it our way! Email the link to [email protected] Who knows – maybe you’ll help connect a horse with a safe, loving home. Go Riding.

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