If Everything We Knew About Horses Came From Video Games

We would be in big trouble.

According to video games, riding horses is super easy.

To find a really good horse, ride out into the wilderness on your old, crappy horse, then abandon it, lasso a new one, and break that bucking bronc to ride so you can gallop off somewhere. This will all take under two minutes.

No, really, I’m serious. Takes like 30 seconds.

Or you could just attract the nearest horse by whistling. Don’t worry, it will be perfectly safe to ride.

The great thing about riding is that you no longer need to obey the rules of common decency. Want to stampede through crowds? Use your town as one big trail challenge course? Steal your neighbor’s horse? Leave your horse to roam the city streets? All in the span of a minute and a half? It’s cool.

Is driving more your thing? Well, you’re in for a bumpy ride. VERY bumpy.

Tack, schmack. English, Western…it’s all basically the same, right? You can even ride a duck for all the difference it makes.

Okay, you’ve wrangled a horse and you’re all tacked up–time to compete, obviously! First things first: You WILL get a refusal if you don’t hit Spacebar at the exact right moment.

At least it’s nearly impossible to go off course, even at the World Equestrian Games at Aachen.


Of course, you can put your horse on auto mode if this is all too difficult.

Everyone knows you can make horses more convenient by programming them.

And you really should, since horses are pretty klutzy on their own.

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