Valentine’s Day may be over…but the relationship drama goes on year-round. Don’t worry. Horses always make things better.
Have you ever thought, “Wow. My horse has life figured out. He relaxes and eats all day with his buddies, has all his expenses paid for by his fans, and works far less than I do.” Why not emulate that simple life…and take some advice from your horse?
Stupid Human Question 1: There’s a girl at school who I’ve been completely in love with all year, but I don’t know how to make the first move.
You want to always keep them chasing you. If you see her coming at you in the field–or hallway, whatever–just stay slightly out of arm’s reach. She’ll chase after you, but don’t let her catch you. Think about it: if she isn’t willing to follow you to the ends of the earth, is she really worth it? Don’t worry–humans have proven they are willing to play this game for hours on end.
Stupid Human Question 2: My girlfriend isn’t a fan of the level of cleanliness in my bachelor pad. Why put away the dishes if I’m just going to use them again? Honestly, it’s hypocritical–every time she comes over she smells like she stepped out of a barn.
Well, I see nothing wrong with her choice of perfume, but there is a solution to your cleanup issue. You might think she doesn’t like your pigpen ways, but take it from me–just keep pooping on the floor and she’ll clean it up. Like my human’s trainer says, just make the correct option the easiest path to take.
Stupid Human Question 3: My mother-in-law grates on my last nerve–she’s always so judgmental of how much money we spend on the horses, but my husband dotes on her. What should I do to keep her from butting in where her opinion isn’t wanted?
Sounds like a drag. It seems like the obvious solution is to pin your ears, squeal, and kick her in the gut the next time you see her. That always works for me when one of my pasture-mates is getting on my nerves.
Stupid Human Question 4: There’s a guy I really like, but my best friend likes him too! What should I do?
Pin your ears, squeal, and kick her in the gut. Seriously, you humans are really kind of slow on the uptake here.
Stupid Human Question 5: I want to show my crush that I’m interested, but not TOO interested, you know?
[Wikimedia Commons: BulletZ]
Lift your tail and pee. Everywhere. There’s nothing wrong with direct communication, and in fact, it could end up helping your relationship in the long run.
Wise words, straight from the horse’s mouth.