The Winter Olympics are here, though not without some problems–one being that there are no equestrian competitions.
[top image: Lady Fi]
Equestrian competition is usually featured in the Summer Olympics, but as we all know, caring for our horses doesn’t stop when the show season is over. And since it can be even more physically challenging to do barn chores in winter, there really should be the chance to earn a medal.
Here are our proposed additions to the list of winter Olympic sports:
Mucking Style: Can you fling manure from the end of your pitchfork into a muck bucket with the grace of a ballerina? Or heave your wheelbarrow to the top of the muck pile, then flip it over with the power of a slam dunk? Slope Style’s got nothing on this.
Blanketing Bonanza: A sport that mixes technical finesse with meteorology and a keen sense of judgment, Blanketing Bonanza would require competitors to take off, switch, or combine blankets based on the weather and the horse’s age, health, level of work and clip job. Multiply by 40 or 50 horses and you’ve got a day’s sport.
Subzero Icebreaker: It’s a race to the bottom–of the water trough, that is. Competitors must break up ice in the water troughs as fast as possible with their weapon of choice.
Extreme Feed: Similar to three-day eventing, this sport would require athletes to excel in several different phases.
Phase 1: Contestants race to mix and distribute feed in winter conditions before their hands and feet completely freeze. Was that 70 or 80 tablets of Doxy? How will I get hot water to soak the alfalfa cubes? And is it the bay with the sock on his right front or the one on his right hind that gets a joint supplement? Athletes must solve all these problems and more, with the fastest and most accurate emerging victorious.
Phase 2: Subzero Icebreaker on a smaller scale–several buckets rather than an one large trough–but with some additional challenges, such as cleaning grody buckets and keeping your hose from freezing overnight. The competitor who spills the least water on themselves wins.
Phase 3: The final phase requires bring horses into the barn through the ice and snow, making sure not to slip or be dragged on the ice. ‘Nice save’ points awarded if one of your horses slips and does NOT completely lose his marbles on the ice.