Cringe-worthy Gifts For the Equestrians in Your Life
When non-horse people buy gifts for their horse-loving loved ones, the results can be, well, let’s just hope they included a gift receipt. Take it away, Gen Griffin!
Being a horse person is a mixed blessing during the holidays, especially if you’re the sole horse person in a non-horsey family. On one hand, its the one time of year when you can present your loved ones with a tack store wish-list that is as long as your arm and you don’t have to feel guilty.
On the flip side, Great-Grandma Gertrude wouldn’t know what a tack store was if it bit her on the behind. She does know you love horses though, and she’s going to keep that in mind when she’s shopping for you.
Gifts From The Wrong Breed/Discipline
Sometimes the gifts are bought with the best of intentions. When I was in high school, a visiting relative made a big fuss out of giving me a rather expensive–and quite large–silver and gold AQHA-style belt buckle. At the time, I showed hunters.
“Gee, thanks. This is going to go great with my breeches…”
“Awesome, Mom. It’ll look perfect next to all my AQHA decals.”
“Dressage bath towels? You shouldn’t have. Really… you shouldn’t have. I run barrels.”
Tack Purchased By the Non-Horsey Gift Giver
You gave them your wish list and they kind of got the general idea. But then they went out on their own – for whatever reason – and for some reason the results tend to be brightly colored and made of nylon.
“I saw that you asked for a treeless saddle on your Christmas list, but the one you told me to look for was over $1000. Lucky for you, I found you just the same thing for under $100!”
“I got you that saddle bag you were asking for.”
“I know you said you wanted something plain, but I just loved the conchos! It will still work for that cross-country jumping thing you do, right?”
Also, anything bought in completely the wrong size.
Like a pink pony blanket for your 16.1 hand gelding. Thanks again, Mom. No, horse blankets actually aren’t a one-size-fits-all kind of item.
Children’s Gifts For Adults
Because nothing says perfect Christmas gift better than clothing and accessories that you will never pull off in public if you’re over the age of 12.
“Thanks. You’re right. Black Beauty is a classic. I’ll put it with the other 27 copies I’ve been given over the past 30 years.”
“A toy horse? Oh, it’s collectible. I thought it was only the Breyer models that were collectible? No? Guess I learn something new every day.”
Miscellaneous Horse Kitsch
Because all horse people love receiving items that were obviously bought by a desperate soul who had one thought in mind when they were shopping: Horses. She likes horses.
“Oh thank you. Pulling a horse’s butt out of my wine bottle is the perfect reminder of why I need a drink”
“You’re completely right. I really needed a little more horse-theme in my bathroom.”
“Is that supposed to be…? Oh, of course. Horse jewelry. It looks like a— Really, you shouldn’t have.”
As an equestrian sometimes you just have to keep in mind that most gifts were given with the best of intentions and most stores have decent return policies.
Gen Anne Griffin is a freelance writer with a lifelong passion for horses. Gen Anne enjoys using her 15 years of equine experience to share both knowledge and common horse-sense with the horse community as a whole. Gen Anne lives in Florida with her amazing husband, two wonderful sons and Romy, the palomino Quarter Horse she grew up with.
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