7 Ways to Get Your Parents to Buy You a Pony for Christmas
Disclaimer: Horse Nation is not liable for the severe grounding that may or may not result from following these tips.
Gunning for the big prize–a pony under the tree?
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You’re in the right place, kid. Here are the top ways to make it happen.*
Do your homework. Show your parents how invested you are in this idea by backing up your request with statistics. For example, did you know that 5/4 children without ponies get terrible grades and grow up to live in their parents’ basements forever? There. Research done.
Be willing to compromise. That is to say, start off by asking for your “reach” pony–say, a foal out of Cylana so you can compete in the Olympics like Reed Kessler. Then follow up with your real request–even five figures will start to look reasonable by comparison! Your parents will be so impressed with your willingness to meet them halfway. A pony is really an investment in your future, after all…a depreciating asset, sure, but who’s counting?
Be understanding of your parents’ feelings. At first you may encounter some resistance. It’s okay– sometimes parents can be a bit slow on the uptake. Simply explain how having a pony would actually benefit them. For example, a pony ride will no longer require your dad to endure you bouncing around like a sack of potatoes on his back! (If you haven’t been doing this, you can always start by leaping on your parents’ backs like a rabid monkey, and they’ll be glad to pass along the duty to a pony)
[flickr: Nationaal Archief]
Being budget-conscious may become necessary. I mean, sure, maybe a pony from Craigslist might not have all the bells and whistles…or all four legs…but at least it’s a pony, right?
Scare them juuust enough. Explain that of the various kinds of horseplay you could be getting into, the four-legged variety is the most wholesome.
And this should be obvious, but…blackmail. How can you expect your parents to believe you can train a pony without first proving you can train them? You can use positive or negative reinforcement, or a combination to cover all your bases! For example: “Want the good grades to continue? Pony up.” or “Do you really want me to tell our soccer carpool about the time you forgot to pick us up?”
Detonate the ticking bomb: tantrum time. If you’ve been following the program, your parents are probably on the brink of making a decision. Now it’s time to show them how much emotional anguish they’re causing you by denying you the one thing you really want, and the only thing you’ve ever really asked of them.
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Should your parents sass you, hold strong. This is simply a sign you haven’t worn them down enough yet.
*Or, you know, not.
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