Goodbye, WiFi: Welcome to the Dial Down/Pony Up! B&B
Kat O’Riley has a genius business idea that involves taking advantage of city slicker suckers.
After much deliberation–spent waiting for my dial-up computer to cough up tiny shreds of the internet–I am extending an invitation to any high-speed urbanites with an interest in the noble horse, to come visit my quaint corner of the globe. Yes indeedy, the ‘Dial Down/Pony Up! B & B’ (DD-PU! B & B) has recently flung open its barn doors, far from the madding crowd–and WiFi.
Do you find yourself unable to escape the world of endless texting, Facebook schmoozing, or the frantic brevity of Twitter? Tired of your phone being smarter than you? Are you craving just a few days without being groped by the useful, yet relentless tentacles of technology? If this is you–c’mon, admit it!–prepare to be pleasantly surprised by the dizzying ease with which YOU can slip the surly bonds of cyberspace!
“Fabulous work folks–you stripped those 15 stalls so fast, the other 15 will be a snap!”
You may have said to yourself, “I’m sooo desperate to get away from it all for a while, and hang out with some horses, but how? I can’t possibly afford the time or money to flit off to some remote ranch, devoid of all mod cons and hard to ignore electronic devices!” Well, despair no more, my city-stranded and computer-conflicted friends; we’re closer than you think!
Sound too good to be true? Believe you me, it most definitely is not! Why, the very place waiting for your poor, over[cyber]socialized self is just a ways down the road, at my homey DD-PU! B & B. We’re on a quiet country lane, lined with towering information-age deflecting trees.
Broadband width? Hey, how does NOband sound to ya?!
My first crop of guests have already come and gone, and if I do say so myself, the reviews have been absolutely glowing. Frazzled city folk with and without prior equine experience just dive right into our rustic lifestyle; with their hands and heads cyber-free and just itchin’ for stuff to do, these fresh air enthusiasts have made my horses, barn, and pasture look beyond fabulous!
I’m tempted to go on and on about the success of DD-PU! B & B-but one guest needs a wheelbarrow for picking rocks and poop outta the pasture, somebody is asking how many miles of fence needs to be painted, and yet another keener wants instructions on how to strip a stall.
(One sweet gal has even offered to clean sheaths…but I’m not quite sure she realizes we’re not talkin’ laundering a style of dress, here!)
“That’s 300 wheelbarrows of rocks from the pasture, John – fantastic!”
A B & B host’s work apparently never ends; I’m also booked to give a group a quick tutorial on stacking hay in the loft, since 5,000 bales just came off the back forty. Then, I simply must get to town, in order to pick up a few groceries (aside from all that fresh stuff from the garden my visitors are harvesting and canning). While I’m there, I think I’ll try to fit in a massage at the local spa.
I’ve been getting so much energetic assistance at DD-PU! B & B since we opened, I’d be in danger of ballooning a pound or two–that is, if I wasn’t out diligently hacking every day! Alas, by the time all my wonderful helpers have got their various Farm Improvement projects done, the poor things are just too tuckered out to actually get on a horse.
As a result, the saddle time I’m obliged to put in conditioning my sweet beasties one at a time adds up to a whole lot of responsibility; to think I used to consider myself lucky to fit in one good ride a day, somewhere in the midst of my lengthy regimen of chores! Anyhow, time to head off for that well-earned massage….
About Kat: I’ve heard that fortunate people have one great passion in life; aside from dark chocolate and my husband–not necessarily in that order!–mine has been “everything equine.” Beginning with lessons as a kid, I’ve been lucky enough to break a variety of bones riding a wide selection of breeds, in a number of disciplines–from TB racehorse (clavicle) to eventing Appaloosa (tibia) to endurance Arabian (ribs). It’s also been my privilege to play Ponybutler to my own hooved beasties on a succession of scarily rustic farms, over the past 20 [very] odd years. The dream continues!
Kat and her ex-hunter pony partner of 14 years (Provincial Velvet a/k/a the Amazing Velveeta a/k/a “Velvet, NO!!”).
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