Dear William Speed Lane Fox-Pitt,
My friend Tori has a pre-show playlist entitled “TOTAL DOMINATION,” including a sweet remix of 2 Unlimited’s “Get Ready for This,” and it got me wondering: Which gems must your pre-event playlist, “TOTAL, COMPLETE & SUSTAINED EVENTING WIZARD DOMINATION/MASTERY” contain? I’d seriously value that information (for example James Joyce, another of my heroes, was an Opera aficionado, and I find this adds a complexifying hue to his already labyrinthically complex genius). Perhaps there are even subtle, world-sublimating innuendos to be gleaned from the lyrics—though perhaps for that reason, you’d have to end me if I knew (I’m willing to fall on the communal-betterment-of-eventing-playlists-worldwide spire, as it were).
Though I usually possess an uncanny knack for musical proclivities, I must confess an Olympic Hysteria-hazed vortex when it comes to you, and furthermore warn that, in the event I should find some Elvis Costello or Artic Monkeys included therein, said vortex may instantly, joyously, gratuitously and graphically explode—and as I’ve yet to celebrate my 28th birthday, please heed this in your response.
Utmost congratulations on your 197,347 FEI wins of 2012 and recent (if obvious) selection to Great Britain’s Olympic Eventing Squadron. I hope I may get to watch you ride in London this summer, though I do not yet have tickets, nor plane tickets, nor otherwise solidified plans to attend the Olympics.
Yours in the magnificent and most daring sport of eventing, as ever, a big, big fan,