Great news! Horses have infiltrated hipster culture in a big way. Since you’re already a bonafide rider, you’ve got a jump start on the über-hip masses. Here are a few items to update your style.
What: Hunter-Jumper tan equestrian leggings
Where to get them: Etsy
What do to with them: You may have to go vegan for a few months to squeeze into them (real equestrians have inner thighs; equestrian hipsters do not), but trust us, it’ll be worth it–you don’t want to be associated with some corporate label like Tailored Sportsman or Devon-Aire. According to the pants’ maker, “They look perfect with tussled hair, messy flannels, and nerdy shoes or boots.”
P.S. As much as possible, try to look all dark and brooding, like you just found out your trainer voted for Bush.
What: Vegan Riding Boots
Where to get them: Ecouterre
What to do with them: You loved your Ariats, we know, but leather is so not PC. These boots, on the other hand, are 100% animal-free and made in a factory that complies with eco-standards in recycling, along with a restriction of toxic chemicals. Also, the manufacturer will carbon offset the shipping through Carbonfund so the only footprints your new boots will be leaving are in the arena sand.
What: Vice Magazine, Volume #14, No. 9
Where to get it: American Apparel
What do do with it: Don’t kid yourself–this isn’t an actual horse magazine. It just has a horse on the cover. Go to your neighborhood independently owned coffeehouse (read: NOT Starbucks), grab a soy latte, and page through it with an expression of boredom while secretly sneaking glaces at the COTH forums on your iPhone.
What: Music by Swedish indie band I Break Horses
Where to get it: Your local record store
What to do with it: Earning accolades from both The Guardian and Pitchfork.com, it doesn’t really matter if you like their music or not–you just have to be familiar enough with it to throw the band’s name around in casual conversation. The next time you’re holding your horse for the farrier, test out some lines, like, “Hey, have you heard the new I Break Horses EP? I really dig it–very shoe-gaze revivalist.”
Also, guys, if you can get your hair to do what Fredrick’s hair is doing, bonus points. Good luck fitting it under your helmet, though.
What: A grass-fed, free-range horse
Where to get one: You already have one–next question.
What to do with it: Ride it, but not because you like riding or it excites you or anything, but because it’s earth-friendly and kind of ironic to participate in an athletic sport.
Go Riding, or whatever.