HORSE NATION

I’m fairly concerned, as I prepare to attend my first-ever Preakness Stakes this weekend, that Kegasus embodies everything I find mildly distasteful about humanity.

Kegasus, whom the Baltimore Sun has described as “a party guy on top” and “a horse who also likes to party on bottom,” is the mascot of the Preakness Infield Fest for the second year running, wherein he’ll likely preside over the annual unsanctioned Port-a-Potty Race, further sullying the reputations of centaurs everywhere.

So basically, THANK PROCRASTINATION that I’ve managed to procure nosebleed grandstand seats, from whence I’ll look upon the writhing multitudes in shame when not golf-clapping an ant-sized Bodemeister to a whizzing, multi-length win. That said, I’m the type of gal whom can never seem to avoid running into persons (or things (exes, glass doors)) she’d most ardently like to avoid, so I’ll probably be making awkward eye contact with Kegasus all weekend.

Your thoughts, Horse Nation? Absurd or awesome? Man or horse? Firenze or Mr. Tumnus? (One of those was a fawn…) Relevant to horse racing or totally irrelevant?