EN Today: Burning eventing questions, part III

Enjoy this third installation of Tori Rodriguez’s series, in which she attempts to wrap her head around some of eventing’s more befuddling riddles.

Top photo: “I don’t know so many things.”

From Tori:

This is a series written by me, about me, and my return to eventing. We’ve (that’s me and my horse Plaid who has been chronically lame for 5 years) been away awhile, so sometimes we need a little help with the unknowns. Read Part I and Part II.

Well, it’s that time again. The time that I ask stupid questions that I don’t really expect you to answer. Since we last spoke, I competed at Marlborough, and narrowly avoided complete humiliation when my horse, that would be the guy I’ve had for almost a decade and who I love and trust with all my heart, thought that elimination and I hadn’t talked for awhile, and maybe it was time for a reunion. Well, HA! I didn’t fall off. I might have offended the five people that gathered to watch my disaster of a round with the creative curse words I used, but I made it!

1. When the TD informs you that you broke a rule, is the correct response ‘S*** I didn’t know that was a rule!?’

2. If I almost fell off when my horse took a nasty spin off of the 2^nd jump in stadium, shouldn’t they stop the clock while I try to get my feet on different sides of the horse?

3. I know that fancy warmblood has a big trot and floaty canter, but was his dressage test REALLY 18 points better than mine?

4. Isn’t it a little rude to put a 3 stride bending line on cross country right next to the trailers?

5. Why don’t ribbons go up to tenth place?

6. When you were already in last thanks to a 28 fault stadium round, is it worth it to try to argue about the 15 time penalties on cross-country that could not have happened in a million years because my horse bolted around the whole course and never stopped and pulled my arms off and oh I kind of hurt thinking about it?

7. Is it advisable to tell the dressage warm up attendant to beat it when she asks if you’re ready to go when you JUST walked into the warm up? Kudos for being like, an hour ahead of schedule but I haven’t even trotted yet.

8. Where is the Novice horse/Novice rider/not a chance in the world division?

9. Is it ok to wear ear bonnets in October, because they kind of pull the whole look together?

10. Why did I think I could pull off white breeches?