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A Horse Nation ‘Article’ by Husband & Best Friend

‘Why Horses are Pretty Scary, Dude.’

I’m a horse girl, and my horsey lifestyle combined with a busy work schedule often leaves little time for other non-horse/work related activities. My lack of free time can sometimes leave my friends and family feeling a bit neglected and last week during a late night at the lab, after copious amounts of nagging for a little Biz time, I jokingly told my husband and good friend that I could spend some time with them later on if they wrote my Horse Nation article for me.

Because neither one of them really knows all that much about horses, and because (I thought) it was clearly a joke, I expected nothing to come of my request, but within an hour I received the following two submissions. They remind me a bit of the movie Troll 2, in the sense they’re so bad they’re actually amazing, and I feel that they are fascinating insights into the brains of the non-horse-oriented.

From husband:

Horsies go stamp stamp stamp, but sometimes they don’t.
Sometimes they go walk walk walk.  The only way to know
what the horsie do is to have a horsie-do-person make horsie
do good.

He also provided several illustrations to accompany his “article.”


The artistic stylings of Dave Maliszewski. Don’t worry, Morgane. Your job is safe.

From best friend (who will remain anonymous to protect his reputation as a competent, functional human being):

Let me do a weekly segment. ‘Why Horses are Pretty Scary, Dude.’ by Best Friend

1. Metal feet

2. Big, long faces

3. They say they like apples, but they don’t savor them.  What are they doing with all those apples?!

4. Chemtrails 

(Not quite sure how the last item fits the criteria, buddy, unless you are referring to chemtails, the phenomenon by which mane and tail care products are laced with chemicals that make horse owners more susceptible to mind control, and more prone to spending money on their horses.)

I feel the need to point out that these “articles” were NOT produced by children, but were produced a couple of 30-something-year-old men. Make what you will of that.

So what have I learned from this little exploration into the brains of a couple non-horsey folk?

Well first off, my husband and friend are certifiable. Secondly, those who aren’t in regular contact with horses have an entertainingly simplistic view of what us horsey types think about. While to us, their understanding of the horse world might seem downright hilarious, it makes perfect sense: if you’re unfamiliar with the nuanced message that can be sent with the flick of an ear, or have never struggled through the process of figuring out what it actually means to ride inside leg to outside rein, it’s easy to see how one could think horses are all stamping metal feet and apples that aren’t savored nearly enough to convincingly be loved.

Lastly, I  learned that there are people in my life willing to go out of their way to make me smile when I need it most, and while these two might not have futures as Horse Nation writers, I certainly see them being incredibly important parts of my life for years to come.

Go riding!

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