Much like another famous toy, My Little Pony’s transformation has not always been kind.
My Little Pony, it’s time for an intervention.
This has been going on for too long and since you only seem to be getting worse, it’s time for us to step in.
In the 80s, you were an adorable pony that the world loved. You made little girls squeal with delight. You were the working man’s Breyer Horse. You were the name synonymous with all things good in the world. We loved you, we adored you, we wanted to be you… and then… you changed…
Now you look like you got hacked up by a fly-by-night Beverly Hills surgeon that is trying to make his mark on the world, one botched surgery at a time. What happened to that cute face that we all cherished? You gave yourself such a bad nose job I can’t tell if you’re an equine or a porpoise anymore.
Your eyes! Your EYES! Area 51 has put out a search for you, because eyes like those could only belong to a Disney character… or an alien. Are you either of those? No, you’re not! You’re a beautiful, squeeze-your-cheeks, ball of adorableness that you forgot about during all those years of transformation.
Your weight! What is that all about? Why are you so skinny?? Everyone knows that fat is the best color on a horse. No one wants a skinny horse! We want easy keepers! Skinny looks good on people, not horses, silly. So, unless you want to be regarded as a crack head or a racing Thoroughbred, I’d suggest you put some weight on those bones.
Your ears! Why are your ears so big and far set? Are you trying to pick up radio signals from a different planet? Maybe you really are an alien!
You are not what we remember you as! We want the old My Little Pony back! Don’t let this go on any longer, we need you!
Yes, you still have the same cute names like you did in the 80s, but that’s all we can recognize with you. Just because your name is Apple Jack, doesn’t mean you haven’t changed. It’s time you woke up and got with the program.
Hugs and Kisses and Cotton Candy,