#TBT: 10 Reasons to Never, Ever Get Into Horses

Seriously, they’re the worst.

(This is intended to be a tongue-in-cheek sarcastic list, not legitimate life advice.)

Ten reasons to never, ever get into horses:

1. They’re ugly.

Flickr/Jean/CC

Sure, from far away, they’re okay to look at … but up close? Gross! Their eyes are too big and soulful, their faces are too long, their whole body is covered in hair and they have HOOVES instead of fingers. Repulsive.

2. All they’re capable of doing is pooping, peeing and eating.

Flickr/John Shortland/CC

You’d have more fun with a goldfish in a bowl. There’s so much more to do with them. At least goldfish can swim.

3. They hate kids.

Flickr/Adam Korbuly/CC

Obviously, this pony is heavily sedated.

4. They have no patience.

Flickr/Alex Gaylon/CC

They’re just angry rage machines that are prone to outbursts of fury.

5. They’re terrified of things like their own shadows.

Flickr/Carl Wykoff/CC

Scaredy cat? That should be “scaredy HORSE.”

6. They don’t get along well with anyone …

Flickr/David~O/CC

… or anything. Lock up your farm animals, people.

7. And they REALLY hate dogs.

Photo by Kristen Kovatch.

What’s that phrase … “don’t trust anyone that doesn’t like dogs.” Like horses.

8. The bigger they are, the meaner they are.

Flickr/Jean/CC

And every one you look at is bigger than the last.

9. Really, who needs a horse when you have a great significant other?

Flickr/Elsa Gortais/CC

Horses hate getting loved and kissed on anyway.

10. They make horrible best friends.

Flickr/Joshua Ganderson/CC

They’re always telling everyone else all of your secrets, and their manes get really matted when they’re cried on.

Horses are the worst, but … go riding.